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Ilya · 11-02-2007, 04:31 PM

I know what you are talking about. I was an introvert like you, but I wasn't as smart as you, and I didn't know I'm good looking.

You may want to see this article by david de angelo. I'm not sure about his books, but the article is good - it's called Why very intelligent men fail with women.
Seems applicable.

I'm linking to a copy, can't find the original.

I've had the same problem with internal dialog - "what am I going to do next, after the first step". It was important to know all the routine. Well, I had to actually do the first steps to find out what's next. And amazingly, the next steps turned out to be quite easy.

You are smart. You probably are a good listener. Me too. I used to sit in the corner of some social occasion and listen, know about the people. Then, when appropriate I would say some well placed comments. It would switch the attention to me and make girls curious about me.
In fact, all you need is to start initial conversation with the girl, then you can on one hand tell her all about what you know - more on the traveling to 12 countries rather than MySQL, mind you. On the other hand you can listen to what she tells you. But I see you've been doing something like that and it didn't lead you anywhere.

Try to agree that you will meet again. And then call her and invite for another date. Different countries have different courting rituals. If you stick to them, everything progresses smoothly. If you stall, or mess up the steps it just ends. That's why American books on Pick Up may not work as advertised in Europe.

Do you have a friend who is good at dating? You can follow him for a while. Approach it as a scientific project - notice how he progresses from initial conversation to the next steps. Or ask him - how many dates before he attempts a first kiss, or before he invites the girl home. This can get you started.

Also, learn the etiquette. There are simple things there that were invented to make courting easier. Like walking girls back to the house, giving them a hand when stepping from a bus (and then leaving her hand in yours

). Dance! Dance is great for putting your hands where you want them to be and not being slapped.

So, practice your steps, don't plan to end up in bed on a first date. Make it a goal for later

. And trust your gut. There comes a moment when a girl looks you in the eyes and you feel that it might be a good moment for a kiss, but your smart mind starts to over analyze. Don't blow it.

I hope this gives you some ideas to get started.

11-02-2007, 04:31 PM	#5 (permalink)
Ilya Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Moscow, Russia Posts: 452	I know what you are talking about. I was an introvert like you, but I wasn't as smart as you, and I didn't know I'm good looking. You may want to see this article by david de angelo. I'm not sure about his books, but the article is good - it's called Why very intelligent men fail with women. Seems applicable. I'm linking to a copy, can't find the original. I've had the same problem with internal dialog - "what am I going to do next, after the first step". It was important to know all the routine. Well, I had to actually do the first steps to find out what's next. And amazingly, the next steps turned out to be quite easy. You are smart. You probably are a good listener. Me too. I used to sit in the corner of some social occasion and listen, know about the people. Then, when appropriate I would say some well placed comments. It would switch the attention to me and make girls curious about me. In fact, all you need is to start initial conversation with the girl, then you can on one hand tell her all about what you know - more on the traveling to 12 countries rather than MySQL, mind you. On the other hand you can listen to what she tells you. But I see you've been doing something like that and it didn't lead you anywhere. Try to agree that you will meet again. And then call her and invite for another date. Different countries have different courting rituals. If you stick to them, everything progresses smoothly. If you stall, or mess up the steps it just ends. That's why American books on Pick Up may not work as advertised in Europe. Do you have a friend who is good at dating? You can follow him for a while. Approach it as a scientific project - notice how he progresses from initial conversation to the next steps. Or ask him - how many dates before he attempts a first kiss, or before he invites the girl home. This can get you started. Also, learn the etiquette. There are simple things there that were invented to make courting easier. Like walking girls back to the house, giving them a hand when stepping from a bus (and then leaving her hand in yours ). Dance! Dance is great for putting your hands where you want them to be and not being slapped. So, practice your steps, don't plan to end up in bed on a first date. Make it a goal for later . And trust your gut. There comes a moment when a girl looks you in the eyes and you feel that it might be a good moment for a kiss, but your smart mind starts to over analyze. Don't blow it. I hope this gives you some ideas to get started.