Hi, Antonax.
Don't worry. I don't think that all as bad as Jim described.
We have a lot in common with you. My girlfriends tended to be inexperienced. I was a game developer and I'm from Russia. And I've had a painful relationship that was put to the test by me studying abroad. My relationship has failed then.
A few lessons learned. The problem usually is not that a couple is apart for months. It just highlights the problems that already exist in the relationship.
It seems that you've had some of those before she left. You write that she wanted you be near her and wanted more of your attention, and you've had some regular fights. It's normal. Relax. I think this is not the main problem.
She left to Germany a month ago, right? Well, I'll tell you what's happening. She is in another country, she is surrounded with new people. She is homesick (she misses home, her mom, her friends, and even you). That is a lot to cope with. Especially if she likes the people who are important to her to be near her.
Now, there is that guy, who can be good-looking and smart and there. He may be likes her and gives her his attention. It is very comforting. So she is confused. She is attracted to this guy, but she remembers her feelings towards you. She is torn and confused. This might be something that she has never experienced before. It is an emotional firestorm. So she is sharing it with you. Let's see, what exactly she is writing.
- She is not breaking up with you, as far as I understand. "She needs time."
This is girls' way of saying "I'm confused".
- She realized that your relationship is not perfect.
Well, whose is? You are past the initial falling in love stage, it is the time to work on your relationship.
Welcome to the club.
- You can do better.
May be true, not the end of the world. You seem to know that yourself. When you see her next time, when you write to her, try to be better.
- She can be happier with this guy.
It can seem like that at the moment. She might even be romantically attracted to him. This happens. She is not your wife yet, you should keep your jealousy under control.
Ultimately, this e-mail is a great sign of her trust for you. If she wanted to break up with you, she would. It would be a different kind of e-mail.
So, write back, tell her that you understand what she is going through, be nice as usual and stay calm. No accusations, no jealousy - that would be deadly. It may happen that in a couple of week when she adjusts, the attraction to the guy may become less or even dissappear. When I was in an international school, the people there were often receiving such controversial calls from the girls back home.
Go there in December. Unless she specifically says that you should not come and she doesn't want to see you, everything is fine. When there make it a good time as Angela suggests. I'm not sure about serious conversations, though. If she is nice to you when you are there, you might want to hold it off until she comes back home.
In half a year she will come back home (I guess, she is not in the university, just on some short-term exchange program) and then you will have the chance to work on your relationships.
That is what my experience with this sort of situations suggests. Of course I might be wrong, but it is not clear at that point.
And one last thing - you want to show your love with presents and flowers.
This may not be the good idea if you do just that. It seems to me, that she needs some quality time with you. More then what she was getting. You are free to add presents and flowers to that, but don't make it the only way of showing her your affection. She may even get offended if you do.
Hope this helps.
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Ilya. |