[Level1]

I'm addicted to sugar. It's my last vice.

I've smoked pot on a daily basis for over 15 years. Always in moderation, but atleast daily.

A year and a half ago I stopped buying pot as it seems the only way I can not smoke it daily. If I have it, I think about it all the time. Now I do it with friends if they have it, but I don't obsess about it. I do love it though and wish I could have it and not obsess about smoking it. The mental aspect of it seems to be what I can't get over b/c I know I don't need to or want it all the time. Same with sugar.

Sugar seems to be the last thing that I'm holding onto and I'm having such a hard time kicking the habit. I'm almost 40 and I feel like if I can't get a handle on it, my health is going to sink or swim. I have a solid 10 pounds that I know would come off pretty easily if I cut out the candy bars. I've done it before but always put it back on. The holidays or vacation or whatever excuse I use comes into play.

The times when I was able to quit, I won't crave it. Then some party will come along where there's a big delicious dessert and everyone is indulging in alcohol so I'll think, well if I have a bunch of sugar I'm not a total goodie goodie. Usually I'm the boring driver that likes to go home early. Or I'll have a bad day and think... "I deserve some ice cream". Or someone will say, just have one bite you're on vacation. Once I have it, the cravings start back and I have such a hard time kicking it again.

It's been this way for years. I always try to get my husband to "cleanse" which for me means, no sugar, and for him no chips or alchohol. If he does it with me I do so much better since we eat together. I also don't feel like I'm fighting him about being healthy b/c he does it with me. I never give up sugar completely, but will stick to fruit, and I feel so much better. He's kind of tired of us falling off the wagon so to speak and that's been his response as of late. We're looking for something that will finally work or it's not worth it AGAIN.

So recently, I've been trying to analyze the mental aspect b/c it seems it's so pervading and what I need to get a handle on for things to come together. It's like the pot. If I have it, I can't just let it sit there. I could never have a bag of Snickers in the fridge and not eat the entire thing. Not at one time mind you, but I'd have several after EVERY meal atleast until they were gone.

I've started to think that maybe I just can't make this final commitment to being healthy b/c I think I'll be a complete goodie goodie and whatever negative connotations I think come with that. I mean, most people you tell that sugar is your only vice would say, if that's it, then you're doing o.k. I believe I look at completely healthy people and think, they just don't allow themselves to have any fun (I'm just jealous of their discipline ultimately). The problem with me it seems is that I can't seem to live in moderation. It's all or none.

My problem is it takes over my mind and I feel like I have no control. The closest I've come lately is to say to myself when I'm feeling like going through the local Dairy Queen drive through is "I want to feel good" and I know eating crap won't make me feel good mentally or physically and can sometimes put it off. But then eventually I succumb.

It seems sort of silly but it's almost like I have the same mental attitude as an alcoholic or something. I wouldn't know for sure, but it seems like that's what someone might go through. I'd just like to get a handle on the mental so that I don't feel like something else is controlling me and maybe that's what is bothering me in the end.

Any suggestions?