[MartinT]

Greetings.

At first, I apologize if this post is in the wrong place – it involves some parts that should be in “Character & Contribution” and some that fit here, but since the bigger part revolves about the social issues, I hope this isn’t very off-the-topic. Also, I am sorry for the length of the post – English is not my mother tongue and I am used to writing long texts, but I will do my best to keep it clear and structured.

Hmm, not sure how to begin… OK, some small details about me. I am 23 years old, male, white, European. I am currently finishing my BA in Political Science. I make my living by working as a freelance journalist, freelance programmer and taking various other occasional projects. Since I am a full-time student, I am more than happy with the current job/financial situation – it allows me to earn some money to finance my studies and doesn’t take much time. However, there are some things that I am not happy about at all – and I hope somebody will be able to offer a word of advice…

To begin with, I have always been quite a bright person (no boasting – hate it – but it’s a simplified expression of what people are usually saying about me). My IQ (if it means anything…) varies between 130 and 140, I can fluently speak four languages and have the basics of three more, I know a lot of things about everything (for example, I can list all the main Greek gods and goddesses or, in contrast, tell the difference between fiscal and monetary policies, or the Soviet KV and German Panther tanks, or MySQL and MSSQL), I am pretty much universal at doing anything (for example, I am currently studying political science, working in the public relations sector, posting articles in the IT magazine and making some extra money by programming websites). I have read about 500-600 books, seen almost every good film and show that has come out in the last 10 years, been to more than 12 countries, can play several instruments… However, in this picture, there is a black blank space that sometimes overshadows everything else for me. Well, some of you have probably already guessed it. The beautiful daughters of Venus, as some poets say. Or, in short, the girls and relationships with them. As in a lot of other topics here… Sorry.

Usually, in this part, the guys start to complain about their looks… I will not. I am quite a handsome guy (in a subjective view, of course), 1.92 meters (6 feet, 4 inches, if the conversion tool is right) tall, thin. So, almost no problems in this part – I am even quite happy with my appearance myself. However, it is not the appearance that matters here – it’s my character. I have always been an introverted person (this may have come from my inclination to science), a shy one, a loner, the one who speaks rarely, who prefers to write an additional term paper instead of making a 30-minute long presentation. Same happened with my relationships with girls. I have never really loved a girl (occasional crushes don’t count, I guess). I have never kissed one. I have never even held one by the hand for more than several seconds. And, obviously, I have never slept with one. I can’t say I was unpopular in school – some girls tried hard to start a relationship with me. But, due to my inexperience and introversion, I either unwarily pushed them away or didn’t even notice their attempts.

So, such was a situation when I came to university. Here, for many reasons, the problems, as I see them, grew even bigger. I didn’t go to clubs (nobody to go with – all former friends went to other cities), I didn’t party, I obviously didn’t try to date girls, so I dove into the area I knew best – studying. Now I am in the 4th course and nothing has fundamentally changed since school. I have good career opportunities, I am planning to continue my studies and get a MA degree in another country… But my personal life is absolutely bleak. I am still a lonely and shy guy, and, on top of that, I am starting to feel that soon I will really become a professional, intelligent, but cold-blooded… machine. I desperately try to change this situation – by accepting every invitation to a party (to be honest, they are quite rare), by chatting more to my colleagues, both at work and university, even by dating with some occasional girls met in the internet. We meet, we talk about this and that (mostly about work, studies etc… I don’t even know what else to talk about!), we say goodbye… and we never meet again. Sometimes I even think about talking to random girls in public places, libraries or buses – but then either my shy part gets the upper hand or the logical part of my brain shut the initiative down by telling me something like “Come on! What are going to do? If she is intelligent enough, she will make fun of you, and if she is not… what are you going to do next? Would you really want her to be your wife?”… So, I am in the closed circle – if I don’t talk to girls, I can’t get any relationship, but if I don’t have any experience, how can I make myself to talk to them in the first place? Therefore, I struggle every day with the same thought – years keep passing by and I am losing what the youth has to offer: love, fun, lightness… and a lot of other great things. If I continue down this path, in the next 20 years I will probably achieve a successful career (I am thinking about the intelligence or some other government job), be a respectable and important person… And after reaching that, one day, I will just probably blow my brains out, just out of desperation. This is not the life and not the future I would like to have.

So, coming back to the topic and shoving away the bad thoughts, I would like to ask the honorable forum members for ANY ideas on what I should do to: 1) get rid of shyness/bad effects of introversion or to reduce it significantly not to hinder my social life anymore; 2) finally get out of that shyness/no girls circle I described above. These are the big goals and I understand it may take a lot of time to change myself, but I am willing to do ANYTHING to achieve them. Should I start going to the pubs alone? Take a hypnosis therapy? Go to the psychotherapist? Continue down the current path and hope for the best? Keep struggling with dating through the internet? EFT? Anything else? I understand that the main part in all this is played by my character and it is the thing I must change first – but I have absolutely no ideas how to do it… I have been reading Steve’s articles for the last few days and found a lot of incredible thoughts there – but some words of advice from the other persons would be absolutely great.

Thank you very much for reading all of this. If you have an idea, a comment or anything else – please share, I will be eternally grateful.

Martin