[LifeFirst]

This is the time when I .....usually spiral down into Hell.

I can't have that happening this time. But I have to make it this time, I just have to.

I have set some goals this school year to get all As, or at least all As and Bs. Anything that is above a C is what I really want. So far, this semester has not ended yet. I have still have about 7 weeks. But up until now, I have been studying pretty hard, but also trying to apply some discipline to my Life as well. Now, I have reduced my time surfing aimelessly on the computer, I get my homework done faster than before. I get started on things right away, I procrastinate a lot less. I am able to focus a lot better I guess.

Well, all that changed about last week. The thing is, I have been getting 90 - 100 on all my assignments. Some I do by myself, some I get help from people, but most of the time I do them with a group of trusted classmates. They are all fairly smart, so I read that if you want to be a good student you should hang around them, which is what I do. I studied with them for the test as well, I thought I got a hang of it. Then the midterm came, and I don't know if I have severe test anxiety or whatever, but I pretty much didn't know how to answer any of the questions. I wrote stuff down, I thought she was going to give me at least some partial credit, but no. I got my test back today and I got the worst score out of all the students. The average was around 70, I got....around....20 out of 100. This is the lowest I have ever gotten on a test...ever. Usually I would do terrible on my tests too, but maybe in the 50-60s range, but never this bad. And I thought that I was actually doing well this school semester, because I have been getting good grades on the homework.

So pretty much after that midterm, I had another one the very next day, an even harder one. I had no confidence at all, none. I was just completely crushed, I tried so hard to focus on the next test but I couldn't. I just could not put it behind me, so of course I knew nothing going in on that other one.


Now I have one on Wednesday, I was able to calm down some over the weekend and get a lot of studying done. But now that I found out I got like 20 out of 100, I'm starting to slip again, I have no confidence at this point. It's nothing but anger and frustration, I feel that I don't really understand anything....at all......but I need to get a good grade on the midterm on Wednesday, or else.....I don't know.

Once again, I am frustrated and I cannot find a way out. I can't see a future, how do I put this behind me and focus???? How??????

If you were in my situation, what would you do? Let's say that you are senior in college, you have a terrible GPA, you don't really have any job/internship experience, you can't really talk to your friends about this stuff (the very few ones you have), you have nothing, but at least you are trying hard to turn your Life around....and then you see this. What would you do?