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Originally Posted by Chado2423  Jessie, I know you're right. Something needs to change. But how do I figure out what it is that needs to change? And how do I do know for sure that what I do is the right thing? |
You have to start small. Don’t try and tackle big problems, that only makes things seem more unmanageable. Start daily. You wake up you feel bad, can you find the source of the morning pain? If you can’t find the source can you find one thing that will make you happy just until breakfast?
One thing I found that helped me was I started saying ‘tomorrow I can feel as bad and unhappy as I want, but today and JUST for today I’m only going to focus on feeling good” when it’s just one day it doesn’t seem so bad. You will be able to deal with all your problems tomorrow, but just for this day let your self be totally free of the problems and responsibilities. It’s a good exercise to start retraining your brain. This doesn’t mean you’ll forever fall away from reality, but what’s the harm in one day’s break from it? Then if you can do one day, try another, or a longer deadline. But always know that after the deadline you can go right back to feeling bad and worrying. No commitments.
If you don’t want to try therapy I have found this site useful
Living Life To The Full it has many free online courses (with work sheets you can print out) that focus on Cognitive behavior therapy (altering unhelpful thinking). The workshops are pretty straight forward but I found they help analyze and break down daily issues into something which is easier to understand and deal with.
A last piece of advice is that after you have written down all the things that are bothering you or bringing you down, also write down the things you love about your self and your life. It may seem hard at first, but you can usually find one or 2 small things, even if just from the day. The more you think the more you will find. Even little things that you couldn’t do before (taking a walk alone, calling an old friend, finishing a project you keep putting off).
Venting in a journal is a good way to get out negative feelings (get then down on paper and out of you!) I have also found that writing down affirmations in my journal after I write all the negative things I’m feeling helps. I vent all my anger and things that upset me, and after that turn them into affirmations. For example if I am feeling uninspired and that I can’t draw I will write about that, then after I will just write ‘I am a talented artist who is always inspired and productive” I’ll just keep writing it even if it doesn’t feel true. The point is that if you do this every day it will eventually start to seem true, then it will become true because you will believe it. It doesn’t happen at once (it took me months to start seeing changes in my actions and life!! ) but trust me when I say you can reprogram yourself. I’ve gone from totally suicidal, hopeless and depressed, to motivated, successful, loved and appreciated.
When you are in the middle of it, it’s hard to see anything else.
The student fish said to the teacher fish “what’s this water I keep hearing so much about?”
If your problems are in your face all the time, you don’t even realize they are just part of your life, not you entire life. It’s like trying to read a book by pressing the page up to your face. That’s why taking each day at a time is the most important place to start.
And don’t worry if you are doing the wrong thing. There is no right way to live life. There is only you, right now in this moment and how you feel. Feeling good, and being good to those around you. If you aren’t hurting others, then you are living as you should. And if you can help others along the way, all the better. Try one thing, if it doesn’t feel good, stop it, try something else. You’ll know you’re on the right path when you do something that feels good and motivates you. Even if it’s just for a moment, try to follow those feelings, they will lead you to what you need to recover and start living.