I see a lot of replies here that talk about stopping focusing on feeling unhappy and to start focusing on feeling happy. This is good advice, I won’t deny it. But there are 2 main problems I see with this;
The first is that when you feel unhappy and someone tells you to stop focusing on the bad and to focus on the good it can make us feel like we want to tell them where they can put those happy thoughts (insert body orifice here). Changing an over all feeling is a long process and takes more then changing our current mind frame as a catalyst (changing our mind frame is a long term effect, we need to make smaller changes first).
The other problem is sometimes we want to feel unhappy. Even if we won’t admit it to ourselves the unhappy feeling actually feels good. There are a lot of reasons it feels good, we all have our own. And if being unhappy feels good, then the process of changing that feeling is deeply rooted in our actions and habits.
From my own experience I can see that my habit of feeling bad started in high school. That’s when I enjoyed feeling unhappy the most. I had felt unhappy thoughts earlier in life, but this is the point when I made it part of my identity. I had “average” parents, went to an “average” school, had “average” teenage experiences. It was the perfect time to embrace my darker side. To sit in my room and think of all the ill in the world, to draw and write terrible dark poetry. I didn’t have any real responsibilities, I just had to go to school and come home. I was fed, clothed and taken care of. During that time I learned to take my depression and internalize it. It became my identity. It also effected my actions, and reactions to people and events. I became more conscious of the world around me, the actions and feelings of others. It affected my art, my writing and my choices in life. And when the feeling got too heavy I could always retreat to my room and my space. I didn’t have to get up for work, I didn’t have to face the world if I didn’t want too.
As an adult I found this way of living didn’t work. It turned into self doubt which turned into fear of trying new things. But I had already set the habit, and didn’t even realize it. When things went wrong or felt bad I would retreat. That feeling used to feel good, but it didn’t feel good anymore. I didn’t know why I kept feeling bad, I just knew that’s how I felt.
So the first step is really to decide you don’t like the way you are feeing. When you can decide you want to change your current feeling then you can start to move into changing it in the long term. But if you still enjoy feeling bad, then that’s they way you will stay.
But let’s also make it clear that there’s nothing wrong with feeling bad sometimes! We don’t have to be happy all the time. We go through a range or emotions (humans are very complex creatures
I know the law of attraction, like attracts like etc etc but if you focus on feeling GOOD when you really just want to curl up and feel BAD, then technically you are making yourself uncomfortable and unhappy by trying to feel good when you don’t have the energy for it. Let those feelings out. Put a whole day aside to feeling bad, cry, watch sad movies, get all that emotion out. Really feel that feeling of being unhappy. Then when you’ve really experienced it ask yourself if you want to continue to feel that way.
If the answer is no, then you are already on the right path to start making changes. (if the answer is yes, then repeat step one
And there are so many options (Drugs don’t have to be one of them by the way). Therapy, talking to friends or family, books, journaling. There a lot of outlets out there. And if therapy is the answer for you, don’t feel compelled to stick with a therapist who isn’t working for you. They are just people too and sometimes we need to find one who works well with us.
I think the best place to start, if you are feeling bad and want to feel good, but don’t know where to start, is to make a list of all the things that are adding to this unhappy feeling. Sometimes pin pointing them out, and getting it down on paper makes them easier to handle. Then you can start to tackle each one. Make little changes everyday is the only way to get the long term effect of Changing Your Mind Frame.
Don’t worry about just suddenly being happy, allow yourself to feel what you are going through, and take it slowly. The bad emotions are important too, because they are telling you that something needs to change.