Hi Joyjoy,
these two letters are not a contradiction. I guess he really did love you very much and you were very important for him. Sounds like he really felt what he was writing. But some day, he took the decision to leave you because this relationship was not working. Maybe he had known that for a long time and thought it again and again, but still wanted to make it work because of his feelings. Till the day he finally realized that he doesn't want to be pushed any longer. Two weeks is a long time. It takes two seconds to make a decision.
You can love someone AND leave them you know. When the relationship doesn't work, for instance.
I don't know how this is in China, but here in Europe, behaving like you do is abusive, unhealthy and exhausting. When you're in a relationship with an abusive person, leaving this person is the best thing you can do, even if you love her. That's what he did.
He made it very clear to you that he wants to break up. If you keep contacting him, that's called stalking and is illegal. So don't do it.
Keeping thinking about it without contacting him isn't good for you either. Of course he still cares for you, but it's over all the same. To be able to have a healthy relationship (with him or with someone else) you'll need to work on yourself first. And when you'll have worked on yourself, you won't want him anymore
So don't look back.
You know, when I read your posts, I think that it's a great thing that happened to you. You were dependent on him like a baby and now look, you're learning a lot, you work, you learn to live alone in Europe, you go to a counselor.... Hey that's fantastic!!
Don't worry, there are thousands of wonderful men out there who will love you. Just take care of yourself for now. And love yourself
