Personal Development for Smart People Forums - View Single Post

silver7 · 10-25-2007, 03:37 PM

Hello smart people!!
I´m a 40 year old woman that has had a lot of good and bad experiences, many ups and downs. I have seen a bit of the world but in many ways I´m just begguining. I´m in recovery in a self help program. And my life is changing for the better one day at a time.
I´m still discovering and learning about myself and life as it really is and I find that listening to others experience is very helpfull.
At the moment I´m going through a difficult time. About a year ago I met a man in the same group I really liked him and was very happy when he invited me out. Then before our date, he told me he hadn´t finished with his girl friend. Instead of calmly telling him no, I was very upset and argued with him.
We didn´t go out, but keept seeing each other at our meetings, recently he helped me with some things around my house and we landed up kissing and that turned into sex. We are both very busy people but I started to feel him pulling away from me, when I suggested going out together he felt I was complaining. At first I felt misunderstood I wasn´t complaining I was just trying to make things better. I started to feel insecure. He pulled away even more so I said maybe we should be just friends and he said he just hadn´t ended it before because he didn´t want to hurt my feelings. Then a week later I hear he gave a job to a girlfriend, he says he wasn´t with her when we were together. He says he wants to be friends. I feel hurt and sad.
I still like him and want to be with him and feel like I spoilt every thing, and then I feel angry and used and think I should keep my distance from him.Either way he doesnt want to be with me and I´m finding it hard to accept. Please if you could share your thoughts with me, I would be very greatfull. Maybe I can find a better perspective with your help.

10-25-2007, 03:37 PM	#1 (permalink)
silver7 Junior Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Brasil Posts: 3	Please help me find a better perspective Hello smart people!! I´m a 40 year old woman that has had a lot of good and bad experiences, many ups and downs. I have seen a bit of the world but in many ways I´m just begguining. I´m in recovery in a self help program. And my life is changing for the better one day at a time. I´m still discovering and learning about myself and life as it really is and I find that listening to others experience is very helpfull. At the moment I´m going through a difficult time. About a year ago I met a man in the same group I really liked him and was very happy when he invited me out. Then before our date, he told me he hadn´t finished with his girl friend. Instead of calmly telling him no, I was very upset and argued with him. We didn´t go out, but keept seeing each other at our meetings, recently he helped me with some things around my house and we landed up kissing and that turned into sex. We are both very busy people but I started to feel him pulling away from me, when I suggested going out together he felt I was complaining. At first I felt misunderstood I wasn´t complaining I was just trying to make things better. I started to feel insecure. He pulled away even more so I said maybe we should be just friends and he said he just hadn´t ended it before because he didn´t want to hurt my feelings. Then a week later I hear he gave a job to a girlfriend, he says he wasn´t with her when we were together. He says he wants to be friends. I feel hurt and sad. I still like him and want to be with him and feel like I spoilt every thing, and then I feel angry and used and think I should keep my distance from him.Either way he doesnt want to be with me and I´m finding it hard to accept. Please if you could share your thoughts with me, I would be very greatfull. Maybe I can find a better perspective with your help.