Hi, Lily
I was touched when I read your thread. It sounds like you have lots of questions troubling you. I certainly know the feeling. The very process of asking the questions is a great start to finding better balance and the well-being that comes with it. There's a site I think can help you with some of your questions. It's called inpowr
http://www.inpowr.com -- it's totally free and it's a fun way to get a better understanding of how you feel about things in your life. Then it helps you pick one to work on and keep track of how your actions affect your well-being. Please give it a try, I'm sure it can help.
Good luck!