Firstly, kenakari, it's allowed. We're here to help if we can.
These two sentences were particularly telling:
Quote:
Originally Posted by kenakari  I got out of that state without using drugs, and for a while I was fine. I'm sliding again, and I can't seem to get up the willpower to stop it. |
You're probably concerned with the effects that SSRIs (depression drugs, like Prozac, Paxil and the rest) have on your system which is probably why you chose not to go the pharmacological route.
That's a legitimate concern.
Fortunately, SSRIs have come a long way since the early days. Side-effects are fewer and their effectiveness is much improved. So don't write off them just yet.
SSRIs work on brain chemistry, just like insulin works on blood and pancreas chemistry. It's really no different.
I would strongly encourage you to at least consider the possibility of using SSRIs. I speak from personal experience here, ok? (I used Paxil for about 18 months.)
When the brain is in a depressed state, it's not functioning properly, just like a pancreas that isn't producing insulin. The difference is that when you use the right SSRI (and it may be different for you than it was for me... that is, Paxil worked for me but maybe Zoloft, for instance, might work better for you) it regulates your brain chemistry and essentially lifts the depressed state.
SSRIs do NOT get to the root of the problem, but what it does is to allow you the clarity to manage the issue(s) without being clouded by the depression. When you're thinking clearly, you can determine the thought processes by which you become depressed in the first place. But with a chemically-imbalanced brain, you can't think clearly and therefore can't work on whatever issue(s) that are causing the problem.
Willpower won't work because it's not a willpower issue, just like all the willpower in the world won't help the pancreas of a diabetic heal itself.
There is help. You can get through this. I'm living proof.
Paxil, and accompanied cognitive behaviour therapy, quite literally saved my life.