It seems like the major underlying reason is your destiny.
You probably feel lost without meaning in your life.
You are probably asking yourself questions like:
"What am I doing everyday?"
"What are my goals"
"Have I been wasting my life"
Well I don't know your situation well enough to completely understand, But there is probably more to what you are saying. Is it your job? Is it your family? Is it your past? What really bothers you? Do you feel you are not living up to the expectation of society? is that it?