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Originally Posted by striving4peace  Honestly, I'm writing this now because I'm at a low point, but I'm not always this low - in fact I'm usually very positive and optimistic, but I don't have anyone to really depend on for emotional support.
The focal point of concern is that I'm a 27 year old male virgin. But before some of you tell me about where I can find the PUA university, hear me out. It's not so much about consolation, but advice on what to do next that I need help on. |
So you want the woman you'll marry? Or you want to find her?
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I think I've had a great life, other than the no-sex part. I grew up a nerd, and became a alcoholic in college, but after college I straightened out, got a great career, even had a spiritual and personal development awakening. I live a clean life now, and i'm still having a great life filled with friends, fun, laughter. I'm still a geek but I'm proud of it - I obsess over my passions like anime and martial arts, I still live at home (as is common with people from my country) but I have a great relationship with family.
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Doesn't sound like anything needs to change!
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However in the past, due to a combination of my physical insecurities (I have always been overweight and made fun of for it) and my parent's tight leash and passing on of conservative values, going for a girlfriend was always difficult. It didn't help that the male-to-female ratio wherever I was was really bad, and almost all the girls I met were borderline-psycho. I've never been into having a relationship to waste time, emotions and effort. It was always the long-term that I had in sight.
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I think losing the weight is a good start. Also, since when does a tight lease = good relations?
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Anyways, now my folks are trying to get me into an arranged marraige with someone they can find from my own community and religion. I'm agreeable to that, simply because I have no options of my own. I haven't found anyone with whom I wanted to be with, despite the social networking I did here. My parents are open to me finding someone, provided she is from the same religion as mine, and her family's compatible, etc etc. But I know (and they've told me this at times) that they wouldn't be as comfortable with people with different value systems than ours.
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Is this girl someone you really care for? Is she someone you want to spend the rest of your life with? Or do you want to meet other women?
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Another thing is the conflict of belief systems. I've been brought up as a mish-mash of western and eastern values - learnt from friends/peers/family/religion. On one hand I do believe premarital sex isn't something we should really be indulging in, and on the other it's hard on a few days to reconcile with the fact that my peers have had a decade more of sex than I have. What really bums me out is when I talk to people whose world and self worth revolves around it - because I'm not quite the achiever in thier world. Usually I stay away from these types, but it's not always possible.
Anyways, what should I do? continue with the arranged marraige search? Or start again hunting myself for some relationship (I don't think girls out there are looking for serious stuff to start with, and though I can go ahead, it's difficult knowing that I'm going in with a slight handicap i.e. my past or lack thereof)
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What would you do in a consequence free environment?