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Originally Posted by uberinquisitive  Hmm...you seem to have symptoms of borderline personality disorder.
Let's talk about you, and just you, for a second. Your behavior is extremely destructive, and I am worried about your physical safety. Threatening suicide is NEVER acceptable behavior. Threatening to hurt yourself is very troubling.
I highly suggest you have weekly Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) sessions with a professional. EFT can be done very successfully over the phone, so you're not limited by geography. EFT helped me recover from my boyfriend's suicide in January, and helped tremendously with my own borderline personality.
I cannot stress enough the importance of regular therapy. A regular therapist in Sweden would be very helpful also.
Rachel Reiland's " Get Me Out of Here" describes the journey and recovery of a very borderline personality woman.
I suggest you read the following books to help you regain internal balance:
Byron Katie's " Loving What Is"
Pema Chodron's " When Things Fall Apart" You can also watch a free online video interview of Chodron here.
Now, about your boyfriend...you are VERY lucky that your heart is breaking. You now have motivation to really grow up and become a better person. You obviously know you have a lot of work to do.
You are full of regret now. Good...use it to get better. Use the regret to get serious, heavy-duty therapy.
Your ex-bf...he is gone forever. I am very sorry that you are in pain. He is not coming back, and right now, he shouldn't - you have threatened suicide in front of him, stalked him, and otherwise acted in ways that have caused him a lot of pain. He is very strong to walk away from a destructive relationship.
If you get a lot of therapy and try to get better, you will meet someone in the future who you love as much, if not more, than this boyfriend. |
Dear uberinquisitive,
Thanks so much for all your words.
I am meeting a professional person from the student health center in my university in Sweden now. Hope it will help.
It seems that you are very sure that my ex is gone FOREVER. It's realy upset and heartbreaking to hear that, but my head tells me that you are problaly right. Your culture is more silimare than mine to his.
However, the thing is, he has done so much for me before. He did not go back to Danish Embassy where he worked before, instead, stayed in China for one more year teaching, which is the job he hates. He used all his ways to bring me to Sweden to study, and payed for all my expense in Sweden for one year. He was so nice to me, however, I abused his love. I was so bossy and controling. He cried and told me before, i have to take 80% responsibilities for our relation, which turns out is really true.
I will definitly try to improve myself. I will go on a life, but I really want to be with him. I really want to win him back and give him all my love in the rest of his life. I am the one who owe him too much. He is the best thing that ever happens to me.
Thus, i really wish I can get any advice or help from people in this forum.
I would sacrifice my life for him.
I would do everything to improve myself to win anthoer chance back. I really do. I am praying everyday for this second chance.