Like everybody else, something happened to you when you were a kid and you made it mean something -- you made up your mind about yourself. That decision runs all the decisions you make in your life now, without you even realizing it. From your post, your decision sounds something like, "I am worthless", and now you unconsciously work hard to prove that you're not worthless, and to avoid having anyone find out you are worthless. Of course it's not true; you are essential, irreplaceable and brilliant, but nothing anyone can tell you about how valuable you are will ring true against the power of "I am worthless."
Except that now that you can see that these apparently childish reactions really are coming from a child's decision, it begins to take the power away from it and give you back freedom to choose something that works better, doesn't it? Are you feeling now that you're taking off a scratchy old garment that doesn't fit anymore? The beauty of letting the old pain go is that you make room in your life to accept the love and abundance that the world has to offer you.
Now you can have everything you want!
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