Sorry to hear your situation.
I don't know what the legal situation where you are is. In the UK if you get into trouble you can get help, the banks may freeze your debt and accept a repayment plan offer from you.
To do this you need to get together all the paperwork you have and find out how bad the situation is. What money do you have coming in. What bills can be consolidated?
You may be able to sell your house even without the kitchen completed. Don't rule that out as a possibility. Property developers or people who were going to gut whatever kitchen you put in as they had their own ideas of dream kitchen may all be interested in a house without a kitchen.
What does your wife say in all of this? How do you want your relationship to progress with her? How does she see the way forward with you? What does she have to say about her previous behaviour?
You both need legal and financial advise. I would imagine your wife could do with some kind of therapy help too. Please find out if there are local services who can help you as it is a big problem to deal with on your own.
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