My hubby and I are high school sweethearts that got married at twenty. I think, the urge to "sow your wild oats" is mainly cultural. We both felt like if we stayed together we would "miss something", that "something" being what we are all told we will miss if we don't sow oats. But we realized, either way, when you make a choice, you are going to miss something. It's a question of what you want to miss. Fulfilling societies expectations and avoiding the status hit of being committed so young (especially for him) or just staying in love and letting the relationship continue it's natural course. For us, that was the choice. Perhaps your own personal desires are more in line in your culture, but what your culture tells you does play a role. It has too, it is a part of being human to factor it in either consciously or subconsciously. You should evaluate how much of a role it plays in your decision.
Do you really feel you are missing something? Or are you getting sucked into "the grass is always greener" mode and being romanticized by "experiencing your youth." Our culture equates promiscuity and substance abuse with masculinity. As a 27yo western male, you are taking a status hit by being monogamous. It's an assault on your masculinity (socially). If you're 27 and have only had 2 serious relationships, you must have a good idea of what being single and the party life means for you. You decided to stop being single because you wanted too, right? Think about how it really was, not how it looks on MTV.
I know what it feels like to be young and committed and feel like you're missing something. I know that I feel that way because I'm told to feel that way. I'm not missing anything that I actually want. You describe your relationship like a prison. Maybe being monogamous isn't the problem. Are you a partier and she isn't? You don't have to be traditional to be monogamous. Your marriage doesn't have to mean the end of all freedom and a beginning of a life of financial burdens and mediocrity. If a marriage is that way, that is the fault of the people in the marriage, not monogamy or age.
You say you love her, but it doesn't sound like it. It seems like you love having her. You sound very disconnected when you talk about her; you speak more of her as the position in your life than the person herself. If you love her, and you know that shes ready to be in a serious relationship and you aren't, you wouldn't want her to to anguish over you until you're ready to be with her. That isn't love. That is control. How is your communication? Does she know that the relationship keeps you from doing things you want to do, other than screwing women of course? Does she give you a lot of rules or ultimatums? Are you afraid to leave her alone or something? Like others have said, most of the things you want to do you should be able to do. It seems like you are either in a controlling relationship, or you simply want to start screwing other people. Do you guys have good sex frequently?
On that note, from what I hear, single life sex isn't that great. Infrequent, high risk, always the awkward first time, poor communication about technique/fantasy, too short because people are too horny, etc. My hubby has had way way WAY more sex than all of his single friends, and has gotten to explore a lot more in the fantasy department. It's like a hobby! And don't even get me started on the substance abuse part.
|