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Originally Posted by Angela  Gita, is it true that you are not good enough? If your college age (or little bitty) daughter came to you and told you she was not good enough, what would you say to her? Can you absolutely know that "I'm not good enough" is true? |
If my college age daughter were to say that to me, I guess I would sit with her and show her that she had real strengths that she should be proud of. I have done it for my teenage cousins and they have all felt very good after talking to me.
I know what you are saying. The same logic applies to me. I too have strengths and I too am good enough in many ways. But I don't remember to remember this, I guess
Just yesterday I was discussing with my husband on my sister's wedding plans and how we were going to help the family in the wedding preparations. We were discussing a lot of things and at one point in time, my husband was not aligned with what I was saying and he kept asking me to keep some options open. I was getting irritated with him more and more internally though on the outside I still maintained a normal conversation. But something triggered me and I lost my temper - I just told him off for not considering my point of view and for doubting my abilities and intentions. Actually he never meant any of that - it was just a discussion and he was just trying to get his point across. That little disagreement triggered a thought process where I assumed he was doubting my capabilities and felt furious for that! If I am comfortable with my strengths and weaknesses I would just have listened to him calmly without feeling threatened in any way. But somehow even without my conscious decision, I got presumptuous and got so angry.
This is a very regular thing happening with me. I lose the trust in people around me when they criticize me or my actions. And become defensive. Later I think about it calmly and apologise as well. But its a very painful experience that starts out with so much anger and then I move on to feeling guilty when I come back to my senses. And then after all the apologies I feel normal again. Sometimes the guilt just reinforces the "I am not good enough" because I end up hurting the people I truly value and love.
How do I tackle such situations? I know that I have my strengths and I am good enough. But I don't think I know it enough to prevent these incidents.
Appreciate your comments....
Regards,
Gita