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Originally Posted by Parthon  It sounds like you've just woken up into awareness and gotten a whole dose of reality.
Unfortunately there's a shame/guilt spiral going on that's keeping you stuck. You feel shameful about the situation of your life and guilty because you think it's your fault, and these two keep you from going forward in life. You so badly want to change the situation to stop feeling guilty and shameful, but you can't change the situation, so you imagine going back and changing the past, even though you know you can't do it. While you can imagine the future improving, you are held back by the longing to change the past, which makes you stuck. All there is that you can see is a gap between where you are now and where you want to be or think you should be.
I've been there, and I think 99% of people have. The situation is different for everyone but the feeling is the same. Almost everyone has been there at least once. |
Wow, this really resonated with me. I am in a situation so much similar to moonstar's and ProjectX's right now and it's as if I have been unable to do anything because I feel so guilty about the past. I'm 22 and after doing badly in college I feel that I really messed up because I now have to end up redoing so many classes that I don't see why I couldn't have just done it right the first time and had better grades. Those bad grades are always going to be there and hurt my chances of getting into graduate school. I feel like I violated all the standards I had for myself by denying reality and pretending everything was "okay" back then. I just feel left behind and not where I'm supposed to be at all.
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Originally Posted by Parthon The trick that noone ever tells you is that you can't change the situation. Right now is right now, and your past is your past, and your future is your future and you can't change any of it, ever. Not even a bit, not even one tiny little bit. It's set in stone the way it is right now. Nothing you can do, have done, or will ever do will ever change anything ever. It is just the way it is! |
I just tried thinking this way and I felt better, in fact much better. My guilt and feeling bad has temporarily lifted and I'm starting to relax about my life a bit. I guess this is what acceptance feels like? I would really like to keep applying this mindset to help me out of this 'rut'. I really wonder how thinking like this seems to help so much, it logically seems like it doesn't make sense but it's allowing me to see things in a clearer light. How long could this mindset be used? I just wonder how to reconcile using this type of belief without thinking that it is irrational to use it. Thanks very much Parthon for sharing.