Hi Kaprese,
I really understand how you feel; but you are a very intelligent person and eminently capable of overcoming your difficulties
Many years ago when I was in a situation very similar to yours I was helped enormously by a very wonderful man named Maxwell Maltz and his equally wonderful book, Psycho Cybernetics. I commend it to you. Please read it; I know it will help you as much as it did me.
You can get it from Ebay for pennies. See here:
psycho cybernetics, Nonfiction Books, Audiobooks items on eBay.com