[thehexman]

I am currently going to engineering school at a prestigious university. I am not happy here, but I can't really consider switching majors for several reasons. But first I need to talk about how I came here and why.

When I finished high school I had about six months of free time and so I asked my neighbor if he had any cool internship and/or job recommendations for me. Turns out that he recommended me for an internship in Argentina and it was great. I really love the place, and not only tourist wise, but because I had to live there on my own and get to know the place, as i spent several months there. I also met a girl there, and I really fell in love the way true suckers fall for it. Well, after the internship, I had to break up and go home and also it was time to get serious about university. I guess at that point i really slipped into a clinical depression (lovesickness) and it took me over year to get out of that. Life had just really lost meaning and for a while I seriously considered killing myself, but somehow the sun always went up again and I got out of bed. I did not seek professional help, but managed on my own by sports and friends and such. Now I do not have these thoughts and phases of depression any more, and personally consider myself healed.

As I said, it was time to decide about university, and so I chose engineering school (mechanical btw). I chose that because I always enjoyed natural sciences, I have an analytical and visually oriented mind, I enjoy working on tech etc. These aren’t the only things I do, I also like economics and social sciences and the like. All in all, I believe my interests are in fact very evenly distributed, but my capabilities are not ( I suck at interpretations, or so said my teachers). Also I can’t do everything all the time, so I have to choose.

BUT there is a huge problem: Everything now at that school reminds me of my bad time. Plus the actual selection process of this school is done during the first 2 years and it is a killer. The workload isn’t that bad, but I do not enjoy it. The smell of the place takes me right back to that, the people there as well. Also I am becoming to realize that this may not be the right major for me, because I believe that you have to be real passionate about machines and such if you want to enjoy it and be good. If I see a machine now, I see a hulk of steel and that’s it. I sit in lectures and think to myself, "Oh yeah, that's really important. To geeks."

Also, and this may sound like its not a big deal, but it is, there are a lot of nerds here and few girls (remember: eng school) Social life in this place is practically zero, as 15 000 "guys" and 2000 girls do not make for a good party. It really sucks so much that the non-nerds rent buses, like real travel buses, to go to other schools and party.

So what I did was send an application to go study physics at another school, and I got in after 2 interviews and a test (which was kind of easy because I already took the same math course and so on). I am seriously considering going there, and not just "running away" because of something I don’t like. I am considering going into biophysics/medical physics further on in my career. So i have a plan of what I want there.

So what's the problem you ask? The guy finds that life sucks, he wants to get out, has an opportunity and doesn't take it? Yes.

I have this thing about not being able to commit to something if it will take away other options. I have never really been able to do that, not even during high school where it was a big deal to choose classes. I hate the thought of limiting my options, and switching does just that, because I really want to go abroad again in a few years. This is really a part of me, as I have travelled the world (quite literally) and seen lots of stuff that most people never even dream about seeing. My parents do this too and I guess I inherited that. Point is, if I want to go away again I guess I had better stick to engineering school. I have more opportunities I believe, although no one can really say that (predict the future). Also I can get an MBA later on.

So what is happening here? I do not really know. I have been carrying this around for more than a year now and have come to unload it here. I think that maybe I only act if I becomes too painful not to. I think maybe I’m afraid of something, and I can’t really figure out what. All the people I have talked to about this tell me two things: I can’t help you, and I don’t really understand your problem.

The last date for immatriculation is tomorrow at 10 - 12, so I hope people will read this and give me some advice. I apologize for the long read. Thanks in advance.