Wasssup All,
Im going to take a chance here and introduce myself in the most complete and honest way possible. I am having a lot of trouble. This is why i have been on this site for a while. I posted a similar thread in the social/relationships section. That was my first post. Ill post the same thread here so i can introduce myself for the first time.
Im new to this site and this is my first thread. I just got done reading Steves Life Sucks article related to lack of drive to change my life. I have no idea what i want nor what "changes" i need to make to get out of this sucky feeling. There are tons of days where i dont even want to get out of bed. I dont want to do anything that i either "need" to do or even want to do.
Currently i am in a Nursing program and completed 1 year already, 2 years left. I know i want to do nursing and get my R.N. status through a bacholor degree. Right now i really dont know if i want to take a break from nursing school or to continue and finish this semester.
Here are the facts:
1. I have social anxiety at times being around people (now im not a complete social moran, but i have a tendency of sabtoging any relationship before it even starts due to my own false perception that occurs in my head).
2. There are 80 other students in the program that i have taken courses with for 1 year already. I feel like i am not connected to most of the students there. Most people already have their clicks formed and i feel like i really dont belong to anyone of them.
3. Also i am very codpendent and am trying to change that...i rely on others and put them as my higher power. I look out to others for answers because i have a tough time finding them myself (kind of like i am doing now).
4. When i go to school and class, others might be in a group having conversation and i just stand there not saying anything. Not knowing what to contribute to the conversation. and in my head i talk the worest shiet about myself while all of this is happening. Which bummms me out even more.
5. I have not been able to concentrate on the actual lecture because i just think about how much fun im not having right now. When others laugh around me it bothers me because i want to laugh tooo.
6. I am talking to a counselor right now but i dont see it helping much soo far because they leave it up to me to do the talking about decision making... but i realize i dont trust myself in decision making right now. if i dont trust myself how am i suppose to make a decision.
7. I have no idea what my interests are. I do not know of any hobbies that i have or would like to try. I have no idea what i want to do with my life. All i know is i want to be happier and actually start enjoying life. My coping skills are bad right now too. I have a tough time answering the question: during your spare time what do you like to do? I honestly have no idea what i like to do. I spent most of my life feeling bad about my life. Living in emotional turmoil that has been happening inside of me. Its like i lost hope and gave up long time ago...and all that time that has passed (we are talking about at least 10 years now)... im 24 right now... i spent complaining and bitching about my life instead of taking control and becoming my own chief. I feel like i have just been surviving life instead of LIVING it.
8. I don't know what will help me start enjoying life. I just want to enjoy life.
9. I really have no real person i can call my BFF. No one in my life has ever called me a BFF. I feel like i have never felt connected to anyone in the past
10. That is what i really want from life... to find people i connect with and can form a strong friendship with.
11. I also want to work on my social skills to the extreme... so i can work toward being able to talk to anyone... make good conversation with anyone.
12. I have low self esteem at times (at times its very bad).
13. So far looking back into my past it all seems like one big blur.
14. I recently got out of a 4 year relationship... for 4 years he was my world. And now i dont know what is my world at all. Anytime i am down and feeling like "my life sucks" i think about how much i miss him. I know i dont want to get back together... its not good for me. But i keep calling him because he was all i knew for sooo long. I dont like calling him it just ends up happening. But how do i start thinking about other things that make me happy? I feel like nothing makes me happy.
15. I feel alone at times. I have not much of a support system. I can't be honest with people i want to be honest with because they just won't understand.
Everyone here just learned about the inside of me... the straight honest truth. I really need help. I dont want to keep living the same life i have been living. It hasn't worked for me. How do i make the changes that i need to make to feel happier. How do i know what decisions i need to make. Should i stay in school or take the next 3 months off and go back in Janurary?
This is the purpose to this thread... for u all to help me figure out what i can do. What will u all do if you were in my situation????
