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Cat Dancer · 10-02-2007, 11:14 PM

I've been browsing through Life on Purpose by Dr. Brad Swift after reading Steve's post about the book.

I wonder if a big part of my Inherited Purpose is "Working Hard"?

I'm working right now as a self-employed contractor, and I find myself taking on big projects for my clients and working longer hours than I want to. Why do I do that? Why don't I set expectations with my clients as to how much I'm willing to do, so that they know that they'll have to hire some more people to get the job done. Or, if they understaff, to be willing to let them learn from their mistake and not meet their deadline. Or, if I want to keep working as a contractor, to find clients who like to plan their projects realistically. Instead, they run up against their deadlines, and "need" me to get the work done, and so I allow myself to work long hours because they "need" me.

I find myself following somewhat of a similar pattern with personal relationships. If I like someone, I'll be willing to go to lengths for them. Except, they may not really care that I am willing to go to great effort. They may just want to be friends, or feel unbalanced by my actions. After all, if I'm willing to go to great effort to be friends, and they don't feel like doing that, does that mean they really want to be friends with me?

My ego need has something to do with being important, of being noticed, of getting positive feedback. If I work really hard and pull off something of importance, people say "wow, thanks!" That's pleasurable, but living unconsciously it's just stimulus-response conditioning, performing someone else's desired action for a reward.

10-02-2007, 11:14 PM	#1 (permalink)
Cat Dancer Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 128	Working Hard I've been browsing through Life on Purpose by Dr. Brad Swift after reading Steve's post about the book. I wonder if a big part of my Inherited Purpose is "Working Hard"? I'm working right now as a self-employed contractor, and I find myself taking on big projects for my clients and working longer hours than I want to. Why do I do that? Why don't I set expectations with my clients as to how much I'm willing to do, so that they know that they'll have to hire some more people to get the job done. Or, if they understaff, to be willing to let them learn from their mistake and not meet their deadline. Or, if I want to keep working as a contractor, to find clients who like to plan their projects realistically. Instead, they run up against their deadlines, and "need" me to get the work done, and so I allow myself to work long hours because they "need" me. I find myself following somewhat of a similar pattern with personal relationships. If I like someone, I'll be willing to go to lengths for them. Except, they may not really care that I am willing to go to great effort. They may just want to be friends, or feel unbalanced by my actions. After all, if I'm willing to go to great effort to be friends, and they don't feel like doing that, does that mean they really want to be friends with me? My ego need has something to do with being important, of being noticed, of getting positive feedback. If I work really hard and pull off something of importance, people say "wow, thanks!" That's pleasurable, but living unconsciously it's just stimulus-response conditioning, performing someone else's desired action for a reward.