laceyjade10,
That's certainly a wild ride you've been on. As has been mentioned, knowing and wanting to make changes is a big first step. You should give yourself credit for that.
I know you feel like crap right now and the last thing you probably want to hear right now is what I'm going to say. It's perfectly true, but I know it's hard to believe sometimes. Here it is:
You cannot always control the things that happen to you. HOWEVER, you always, ALWAYS, can control how you respond to events.
Cliche? Bumper sticker material?
Maybe, but it's absolutely true!
Because what happened to you it's probably really easy to think of yourself as a loser or a failure, but I gotta say that that's not even remotely how you come across.
Reading your post, you strike me as someone who is intelligent, caring, motivated, and has a wicked sense of humor.
Now, when was the last time you thought those things about yourself?
Go ahead. Do it now.
I'm serious! Do it!
You must change the way you're thinking. You're caught in a quicksand of distorted thoughts about yourself and all these negative thoughts are complete nonsense! I suspect you know this and that's why you're here.
To me, the most important thing to remember about personal growth is this: You'll never have more than you think you deserve.
Your external reality mirrors your internal reality. You want to change your external reality? Change your thoughts. It's not always easy; especially when life seems to have treated you like a baby treats a diaper!
But that is what you need to do.
I could babble on and on about this topic, but I could never say it better than these two books I like:
Amazon.com: Maximum Achievement: Strategies and Skills That Will Unlock Your Hidden Powers to Succeed: Books: Brian Tracy Amazon.com: Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy Revised and Updated: Books: David D. Burns
Good luck!
