Don't hate it! you're totally ok the way you are. Some people just need a lot of time for themselves, there's nothing wrong with that. I am one of them too. I love people, I love meeting people and enjoy their company. But not too much, not too often and not too long or I get very nervous and aggressive after a while. I love to be alone, I need many hours every day to be alone.
Just respect this and take care of yourself. that's the way you are.
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Originally Posted by mlc82  (no offense to the women out there, but in my experience, with most of them, "direct approach" just doesn't seem to work either way- not when given by me, and they generally don't know how to do it themselves and go with "hinting" instead, which no man on earth has ever understood) |
what strange chicks are you dating?
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Originally Posted by mlc82 "I just need time to myself more often than most people do" seems to just baffle her |
That's what I always say too. I don't think the problem is that she's a woman, but that she's very extroverted, and doesn't understand your desire of loneliness. Unfortunately I don't know how to make it clear to her in another way than to tell her straightforward.
She must respect how you are. If she's upset or hurt, that's not your problem, that's her decision. You cannot do more than to explain her. Have you tried to explain
in details how you feel when you see too much people, and why you need to be alone? Have you told her that it has nothing to do with her, that nothing is wrong between you?
Maybe, when you tell her you don't want to see her, tell her it's because you need time for yourself, tell her you love her so much, and after a while of being alone (for example in the middle of the evening) send her a kiss via sms. So she'll know there's nothing wrong and feel loved even though you're not with her. (Hmmm don't know if that's a good idea. You shouldn't seem to feel guilty and do this out of guilt... hm forget about it)
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Originally Posted by mlc82 Another edit: Obviously I have no intention or desire of ever getting married. The idea of fully living and sharing with someone is horrifying to me. |
I understand that. But living together with someone doesn't mean you see them 24h/d... You have to set limits and protect your private sphere.
Living with my bf is ok, because he works till 6pm every day, and we have a special room for each one, and we have an agreement that I always at any time and as long as I want can close the door of my room and be left in peace. But I must agree that it's difficult (edit: to live with someone, not to close the door), and I'm glad that he travels abroad from time to time. I couldn't live with someone who's talking all the time when we are in the same room either. Later I want to have at least three or four rooms 100% for myself.