As long as you indulge yourself in despising your ex and his girlfriend, you are building hatred into your son's life. You are doing that, not the ex, not the girlfriend.
I know you are hurting and that you feel entitled to hate these people because of what they've done. Maybe that's true. Now: does your son deserve to grow up in a family that is free of hatred? Does your son deserve to see his mom taking 100% responsibility for her life and living a life she loves? Or does he deserve to grow up agonizingly tormented by the hatred that he lives with EVERY SINGLE DAY OF HIS LIFE?
The thoughts you are thinking (I'm a loser, I'm incapable, I'm depressed, I hate them) have got you on a downward spiral. You are the person who is creating this downward spiral, and you have the power to free yourself from it and get yourself thinking thoughts that will have you living a life you love, for your own sake and for the sake of your child. I would love to see you do the Landmark Forum or talk to a therapist who can assist you with beginning the process of freeing yourself from the thoughts that have you trapped in this quandary.
The trap you are in: it is nothing but thoughts. Now let's get you thinking thoughts that feel better when you think them. You might want to go out and pick up a copy of the Abraham-Hicks new book, The Astonishing Power of Emotions. You may find it helpful in giving yourself a little relief from the downward spiral, and getting you started on a path towards thoughts that work better.
Best wishes to you.
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