[laceyjade10]

Well, I have been reading up on EFT to try some new techniques to deal with some old issues from my ex husband...

I don't know how to explain exactly what it is I feel when I have to talk to him or deal with him but I'll try to quickly sum it up because I'm interested to know if anyone else has any ideas on this and how to get past or over these feelings!!!

Well, we were only married a year when I got pregnant with our son. While I was only 2 months pregnant I found out he was cheating on me with his ex that dumped him a few years earlier. I tried to work it out, but I never could shake that gut-feeling that he was or would do it again. I tied to not speak of it and stay positive. Then, about 3 days after our son was born, I found out he had been with that same ex again, the night before my c-section...

So, I still stayed at home, feeling like maybe being around his son would make him realize the value of family vs. an old home-wrecking flame that had originally dumped him anyway. Once she heard he was happily married with a son on the way, she realized she regretted dumping him...He welcomed the attention. He had once talked about how depressed he was when she dumped him years earlier and how she was too good for him anyway.

Things were ok for the 1st year after our son was born, except that ex would still try to text from time to time. Christmas, his birthday, father's day, valentines day. Every text said "Happy Whatever, give me a call sometime and tell me about your family"...grrr...
And I still couldn't get rid of that gut feeling...Well, then a couple of months ago, he didnt come home all night. He said he was just with the guys, but I knew better and I FINALLY LEFT!!!

At 1st, it felt soooo awesome!! I felt free of a 3 year long weight! I felt like I was finally getting back in touch with my spirit and my lie forces and I realized that I had lost my connection to it for almost the entire previous 3 years.

But the very next day after I left, he took our 1 yr. old son to meet that same girl and spent the day with her. I can not describe the feelings. Mainly anger. If I had known that he had such a hang-up over this one girl, NEVER would I have created life with this man!

I'm a big girl and I take responsibility for my actions and my stupidity and naivity. However, it is like he created life under false pretenses. (Can you sue someone for that?? lol)

It is just so wrong! I mean, so these two are going to try out being together now. Whatever! Now I'm a young divorcee' and broke single parent. Whatever! But why the hell did an innocent life and son of MINE have to be created for them to figure this out!!!

We have joint or "shared" custody and he is taking our son everywhere with this girl. I have so much hurt, embarrassment, anger, resentment, depression, and jealousy because of this. And what makes me even more mad is, I'm not the type to get this way and let things break my spirit down. But it's really getting to me... I feel depressed anytime I think about it.

Another thing is, even though he was my husband and is the father of my son, I despise him. I would never consider taking him back, but at the same time, I am so jealous. I hate feeling jealous, and I would never want him to know that I am, but I am struggling with all this.

A few months ago, when I first left and found out about my son hanging out with this chick, late at night, I would almost feel suicidal and like a complete failure. I havent been able to concentrate and take a major test to get my state licencse like I need to.

Now, I feel ok for the majority of the time, but when I have to talk to him and see him, ALL those feelings come rushing back out of nowhere.

I try to see and talk to him as little as possible for that reason, but I have no choice to have to talk some, because of our baby. I just can't stand to hear any personal detail about his life at all! I am trying so hard to deal with this in a good and positive way. It is very hard not to wish for bad things to happen to them...I dont want to waste my energy anymore, I so badly want to get back on track and get rid of all these negative feelings and get the positive forces flowing in my life again...

Everything I'm trying just hasn't worked yet. I know time itself helps, but I don't have too much longer to get my mind clear and able to concentrate again. My time to take my Paramedic test expires in January. But everytime I try and study and pump myself up, my mind brings back those bad feelings.

I know, I'm bringing myself down now, and I want to stop!!! I just feel like such a loser and failure as a wife, mother and at life. I feel like I'm not capable of the things I used to be. I don't know...My brain is mush now...

Well, I know this hasn't been quick to try and explain, and that it's kind of a ramble. I'm new here and these forums are awesome, and sometimes overwhelming for my still mushy brain...I need personal development so I can go back to being a smart person...lol

Anyway, i look forward to anyone's advice!