[ProjectX]

I feel like HELL. It feels like for the last 10 years of my life someone has taken control of my life while I was in a coma and made a mess of it. Now I've woken up to this nightmare. It feels like I've been deprived to reach my full potential, like a leg taken away from an athlete. I don't what to do. My life has been hell for so long and I've been lonely equally.
The only time when I have a peace of mind is when I goto sleep or when I think about suicide. I only wish to go back to the past and change everything. Why me? Why has my life turned into a pile of ****.

P.S The thing is I missed out so much on my adolescence that I just feel so down right now. I missed out on life while everyone else was on the happy boat.

I have this vision in my head of what my life should have been and should be like (school, girlfriend, friends, body), and because my life is does not fulfill that I just feel miserable. If only I had held this vision when I was younger I know I would be happier now. I just want to go back in time and alter the course of my life. Mind you this vision is not some wild fantasy like driving wild cars, and making money. Just to be normal and happy because my life has been anything but that.
Right now I feel worthless and my self-esteem is just gone. I dont see a reason to lvie anymore because it seems all the things I needed came too little too late.