[rondon]

Originally Posted by Angela

I was going to say that if you once had the lust, you can generate it again, and if it was never there it probably never will be. I was going to say: comfortable is a great thing to be with someone, and that the butterflies come and go and are not necessary to a great relationship.

I think I'll need to discuss with her further what feeling she was actually referring to. For sure, the butterflies _have_ come and gone.

But reading through your posts, I don't get the sense that you have any strong feelings for her at all, except maybe hurt pride, unwillingness to cause her grief, and a vague sense that you might be letting something wonderful slip through your fingers - maybe.

While I did consciously choose to pursue this girl, I did not consciously choose what it is I'm looking for. I sort of went with the flow, going with gut reaction. I felt attracted, pursued, then "lost" the feeling, but I still stayed with her. There was a time I had strong feelings, but it eventually faded and showed up now and then.

Looking back, I think a big part of the relationship was based on exploration (on my part). I wanted to try what it was like. I decided to give it a go. What I didn't do is: decide _exactly_ what kind of relationship, the _exact_ kind of girl, what attributes, etc.

...sounds like it's that you haven't given yourself a chance to really throw yourself into generating love and finding out what it is.

Hmmm - could you elaborate on that?

It's possible you'll see that you really did love this girl, but only in retrospect. That happens a lot!

Love in a sense that I had feelings, willing to do tons of stuff for her, yes, I had those.

I hope you are aware that you have the power to generate big, generous, sloppy, grateful love in your life whenever you want to. I hope you do that! And I hope that you accept the hurting that you're doing now and get through to the other side of it feeling powerful and creative about love.

Thanks. And how may I specifically go through doing that, the generating love part?

p.s...I just read the other thread you started... sure enough, it does look like the relationship issue you have is with yourself, not with this or any other woman. It looks like you have some pretty major nurturing and love to do for yourself first. I don't think your girlfriend would be surprised to hear that -- I think she would probably love for you to make creating a life you love a priority.

I appreciate you checking out my other post. <sigh> As much as I wish that "Love conquers all", I know I still need a lot of self-work.