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Originally Posted by lightthecandle  or I guess maybe i feel really gross because I was molested when I was younger? |
I think so. Mistreatment of that kind leaves a girl feeling like her own attractiveness is dirty and shameful, and that it's all her fault. An adult who inappropriately touches a child robs the child of his or her ability to celebrate her own beauty, self-love and vitality. What a crime.
The good news is: you can regenerate that celebration of who you are -- and who you are really is beauty, self-love and vitality, lightthecandle. I think it would be wise of you to seek help in this, cuz it can be pretty daunting to take it all upon yourself. Plus it's easy to slip back into, "I'm worthless and it's all my fault."
You know I always recommend the Landmark Forum, and I think you would really benefit from it. Otherwise, a really good therapist (there are lots of therapists who specialize in this very issue) will help you to gain power in your life where it has been scraped out by the person who mistreated you long ago. With good help, you will probably see that there are other areas in your life than just this one where you are lacking power or self-value.
Best wishes to you, lightthecandle.