mr. rondon, you are not a pathetic wreck. but you might have some personal soul searching to do. i was on the other end of your situation, in that i was with someone who i loved very much and he, well, he wanted to love me. he said he loved me, but it was clear he did not have the 'romantic love/adoration/connection/bond' whatever you want to call it. he sort of loved me intellectually and logically. but we got on perfectly in so many other regards that i really wanted to make it work, so i stuck it out hoping the love would come. ten years later i left that relationship feeling like my entire life force had been sucked out of me. i had no self esteem, no confidence in myself as a woman, i felt unattractive, unwanted. it took me a good long time to recover. even though he never 'did' anything to be but not have those feelings for me, the situation was like a vacuum, my feelings flooding out to him and no response coming back. it was painful, and it slowly sapped me of my excitement about love and my own selfworth.
now i don't know if it was me, or if he was just incapable of having those feelings at all. i'm not even sure that he might not be a deeply repressed gay man. (i am not implying this about you!) anyway, he never could give me an answer and so i will never have an answer and that hurts too.
so i would say, go deep and figure out what the answer is for you. are you capable of these feelings but honestly don't have them for her. if so do her a favor and don't fight for her because she will suffer that void. maybe you really just aren't ready to feel that connected emotionally to someone, and if so, that's okay. or if you think maybe you have some kind of block and haven't been able to access those feelings for anyone, then maybe you can work on that, and there will be a chance for you and her at some future point. maybe if she is willing you can work on it together. (and it will be work!) i think the key is total emotional honesty with yourself and with her.
i can't tell you how much it would have meant to me if my ex could have just been honest with me about what he was feeling. yes, it would have ended our relationship many years sooner, but i think we could have been friends, and it would have spared me so much pain. good luck!  |