Apologizing and forgiving can be painful but necessary experiences in our relationships... I am a terrible apologizer... it doesn't mean that I'm not remorseful, or that I don't mean it when I say "I'm sorry..." but the truth is we all have unique ways of giving and recieving apologies. In my household growing up I was rarely apologized to, yet ironically I was always expected to apologize when I did something wrong. This sort of paraodixal example/expectation thing happens in any relationship, but it seems that it happens more often in the realm of apologies and forgiveness. Some people have rules for unforgiveness, "I can never forgive him for
that!" Some people have been taught that all you have to say are the two words "I'm sorry" in order to be forgiven. But of course this clashes when the means for forgiveness by the other person are either unattainable or more complicated... for some a simple "I'm sorry" won't work... For some, in order for an apology to be effective you must have a list of a hundred different things going on at once, and you must communicate it clearly while showing feelings. The truth is, apologizing and even forgiving is not as simple as Seseme Street make it seem. It really delves much more deeply into our psyches and what we have been taught and told to believe about them, along with our own conclusions.
Have you ever heard someone say something like "You can't forgive...." or "I can't forgive..." Is it really true that they can't, or that they won't? I believe you CAN forgive anyone for anything, if you just take the time and effort to work through your pain. I'm not saying you won't be hurt or that it will be easy. Far from it. I think forgiveness and even working our way up to apologizing is very hard work sometimes. Its only easy, when we are readily forgiven. But it can also be excruciatingly difficult. And since I have seen much about relationship struggles on this forum, and since I have my own issues, I think it's time we think through our apologies and forgiveness strategies. If we are truly committed to personal growth, we would honestly take a hard look at how we relate to others. Most people on this forum are concerned about this, so I don't have to point it out, but the question is, what are we doing about our relationship concerns? Are we forgiving those who have asked us for forgiveness, or are we holding a grudge, and keeping those "comfortable" painful feelings inside? Are we taking the time to work through our apologies, and figure out what is really upsetting another person that we have wronged in some way?
Screwed Up
Take your time and think about it.
Have a good day,
Chad
P.S. The actual article on the page link above is good, but if you decide to buy the book they are trying to sell you, you do so at your own risk. I didn't notice the typical bait and lure salesman technique at first, so I apologize for that. I didn't buy that e-book so I'm not going to reccommend it.