Quote:
Originally Posted by Brutha  Starting a conversation with attacking the other person for not being online enough is not really smart. You project a victim mentality and label her the aggressor, which puts you into a low power position.
(note that the intention of your conversation is irrevelant, and that the text can be read that way)
She gave you an answer, you responded that her answer is inadequate.
As a pretense of the conversation you give her the obligation to tell her all about her day. When you are in a low power position you can't control a conversation like that.
Then she "punched back" a little with "oh god you make me crazy", rejecting the obligation to tell her everything about your day. That is the natural flow of the conversation.
Your projecting there I would guess.
In addition calling another person inconsiderate, because she doesn't let you dominate the conversation (and allow you to disrespect her answers), makes you seem like a control freak.
Another attempt from you to "control" the status of the relationship.
She says you aren't really important to her, but you can't accept that.
This lowers again your power over the relationship (in the conversation). In addition it increases the importance of the event, because you want to overcontrol the conversation (out of a low power position).
You show that you don't understand her and think that adding additional pressure by requesting her forgiveness does anything to help you.
Conversations in general have a certain flow. You break the flow, and except her make a better conversation.
You express your concerns over her communication "but it's annoying and it upsets me when you say things like "oh god you make me crazy" and apologise later for it. That damages your own integrity.
And don't understand the emotions that were there. |
I appreciate the response Brutha. Danke schön.
First of all, I wasn't attacking her not being online, and that's absolutely not the centre point of my message.......and that's not what caused the problem either. Everything started off very friendly (trust me....afterall I know about us better.)
I can understand why you typed what you typed above, but I guess that's because you don't know her as a person, as well as the very exact nature of our situation, which is okay though...afterall this is the Internet and it can be hard to describe things trully accurately.
So I will make it clear to you so that we don't overcomplicate things. What annoyed her is the fact that I asked her twice. She thought she already told me what she did and the fact that I asked the second time (because I didn't get the message) annoyed her.......
It's as simple as that.....
To tell you the truth (and trust me, I am not making up any of what I am saying in this thread) she admitted multiple times that with her ex boyfriends, she used to fight and complain, and they got annoyed at her too. For example one time she was staying at a (cheap) youth hostel with an ex, but she didn't like it (preferred a "real" hotel instead) and made a big deal out of it, and even admitted (to me) to being snobbish and arrogant about it.
And once she told me this very sentence "
I know that I'm not that easy to be together with, and I can be difficult too, but I do have lovely sides....a guy just has to know how to take me"
She also once admitted to being resentful, and that it takes her a little while to forgive someone......
BUT.......I didn't realise she was THIS sensitive though.