One of the common threads that runs consistently through books/DVDs etc about LoA is based upon the generation of feelings; feelings of gratefulness, feelings of success, feelings of joy and so forth.
I seem to have a hard time developing these sorts of feelings. There are always these doubts, these ever-present shadows that I just can't seem to shake.
Allow me to illustrate with a very brief example: It was always drilled into me since I was a kid that the only - and I mean the ONLY - way to financial success was through grinding, hard work.
So work hard I did. The result? Stress, poor health, failed relationships, getting ripped off by employers, clients and suppliers... Financial success? Nope, not even close.
Don't get me wrong; I know that work is certainly involved but clearly those messages I got when I was younger, which formed my synapses as I was growing up, aren't serving me well. Maybe they worked for my father's generation, but from what I see they don't seem to be of much use to me now.
So in doing my visualizing and all the rest, I try to generate these feelings of gratitude and so forth, but those messages, those dark shadows, simply will not diminish. They get in the way of developing the feelings that I'm trying to cultivate.
Coming face-to-face with these thoughts is an ugly, demeaning process. Maybe it's supposed to be like that, I don't know, maybe one has to "walk through the fire" in order to get to the other side. I
know I've got negativity issues, I
know I've got a bucketful of negative self-talk, I
know that my tendency is to depression.
Knowledge, it's commonly said, is half the battle. OK, so I've got half of it figured out. But it's just half. I need help with the other half.
I even tried writing these negative messages out on some paper and burning them, hoping that would help, but it made no difference. (Neighbours wondered what was going on too, but that's another story entirely.)
I suppose my question to the group/universe/whatever is two-fold:
- If your well of feelings seems tapped out, how to you re-generate them so that they're sincere and genuine?; and,
- How does one go about releasing/exorcising those old shadows that you know aren't doing you any good but still hang around like a noxious fart?
* quick addendum - even as I was writing this, I got negative messages about even making this post. "It's all a bunch of crap" and "There's no way this LoA stuff works" and "Why bother even posting this? They'll just think you're a loser" and similar. I can't be the ONLY one that has these thoughts... can I?