[Honeywith4bees]

I was married for about 13 years to a man who was an abusive addict. He loved me, I am sure of that. We were teenage sweathearts together but as we grew and had a family, he relied more and more on substances and got meaner and more distant. He would treat us all terribly, disapear for days, then come back remorseful and full of promises and tales of how happy our lives were going to be. I always fell for it, because I wanted it to be that way, for me and for our kids. But when the hard work came, when it got to be the fourth or fifth visit with the Counselor or the mandated urine tests, it was always back to his old ways. I finnally got the courage to make him leave after I realized that I was just as responsable as he was for teaching my boys how to grow up to abuse woman because I kept allowing it to happen.

I spent a year after the divorce figuring things out about what I had done to attract such a man into my life.

My Dad loved me, of that I am sure. He was brought up under terrible conditions. His Dad was so abusive that his Mom ran away and left him behind when he was 8. My dad vowed to never harm us. He was emotionally as cold as ice. My mother tried to get him to go to Family Councilling to save their marriage and help him learn some skills, but it was too hard for him. He never touched us. No slaps, no kicks, no punches,no hugs, no head rubs, no sitting on his lap. Nothing.

So I worked on this issue (I thought) and after a year, decided it was time to test my self out and date again. It was hard to trust a man again, but I wanted it bad. I met a wonderful man and we have dated for three years now.

He loves me. I am sure of that. But he is happy to just do the "easy" stuff to keep our relationship going. He calls me every day. Takes me out to dinner every Saturday night. Does fix it projects at my house. Buys me gifts. Encourages me to be me. He is wonderful in many ways. I want a full time, live together relationship, and I have told him that many times over the course of the 3 years together. He says that he does not want to lose me, but can't get over his past failed marriage, and can't bring himself to take the risk of ruining the good thing that we have. 13 months ago, he said he would work on that with a councillor (his own idea), but still, nothing, he hasn't gone.

Reading through someone else's thread earlier this week, I had the realization that I have done it again. I have attracted a man who loves me, but isn't willing to do the emotional work to have a healthy relationship with me.

So know I realize that it is me who is sending out this vibration.

Can I change that vibration, and keep the man?
I know that I can't change him.
I know that I would never cheat on a person.
How can this work?????

Thanks for reading ~ Honey