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Lallymac · 09-19-2007, 11:17 AM

Oh YAY !! This blog really touched my heart. I have pushed and struggled against preconcieved family and societal expectations of myself and what I thought I should be doing. I went back to uni and did a degree in education to get a proper job and the closer I got to completion the more I felt like I was dying inside. I think I was the most miserable graduate because I knew, by the end, that teaching children wasn't what I really wanted to do. I felt like my family and friends would think I was a failure if I didn't follow through. I felt guilty and didn't want let down all the people who had supported me while studying.
For a year afterwards I was torn between my real passions and what I'd trained for. I bared my soul to myself and confronted my fears challenged my preconceptions, questioned myself (was it fear or laziness), stripped myself bare and slowly put together the pieces of me that make me feel alive.
Now, 18 mths on I realize that the people who love me and know me only wanted to see me happy. I am now doing what I love and exploring more of myself and my passions. I've rediscovered myself and walked past old conditioning and preconceptions.
It's not been easy. In fact it's possibly been the most difficult thing I've done to date. I feel liberated. I've fallen in love with myself again and I do what I do because I choose to.
When you're doing what you love, problems become solutions. You find yourself relishing doing things that you would have loathed (avoided) doing before.
It's been well worth putting up leaky guttering and a tatty couch a bit longer and I may never make rich or famous (not that either were high on my wish list) but I'll die a very happy lady.
Lallymac

09-19-2007, 11:17 AM	#16 (permalink)
Lallymac Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Auckland NZ Posts: 375	Oh YAY !! This blog really touched my heart. I have pushed and struggled against preconcieved family and societal expectations of myself and what I thought I should be doing. I went back to uni and did a degree in education to get a proper job and the closer I got to completion the more I felt like I was dying inside. I think I was the most miserable graduate because I knew, by the end, that teaching children wasn't what I really wanted to do. I felt like my family and friends would think I was a failure if I didn't follow through. I felt guilty and didn't want let down all the people who had supported me while studying. For a year afterwards I was torn between my real passions and what I'd trained for. I bared my soul to myself and confronted my fears challenged my preconceptions, questioned myself (was it fear or laziness), stripped myself bare and slowly put together the pieces of me that make me feel alive. Now, 18 mths on I realize that the people who love me and know me only wanted to see me happy. I am now doing what I love and exploring more of myself and my passions. I've rediscovered myself and walked past old conditioning and preconceptions. It's not been easy. In fact it's possibly been the most difficult thing I've done to date. I feel liberated. I've fallen in love with myself again and I do what I do because I choose to. When you're doing what you love, problems become solutions. You find yourself relishing doing things that you would have loathed (avoided) doing before. It's been well worth putting up leaky guttering and a tatty couch a bit longer and I may never make rich or famous (not that either were high on my wish list) but I'll die a very happy lady. Lallymac Last edited by Lallymac; 09-19-2007 at 11:20 AM.