Hi Steve, I really enjoyed this article. I remembered Mr. Rogers’ slow speech as a negative quality, but that video completely blew me away. In terms of authenticity, I thought it was interesting that he speaks the same way to adults as he does to children. You didn’t mention the term “congruence” in your article, but it improves authenticity if you always “be yourself,” instead of changing your behavior to suit the audience. For one, it’s hard to keep multiple acts straight, and two, acting makes you reactive instead of responsive.
That distinction was my favorite part of your article. “He doesn’t react to the energy of others with resistance. He just responds with his own authentic style, as if he were totally unattached to outcomes.”
To me, that sounds just like something from
http://realsocialdynamics.blogspot.com/ . You hit the idea that responding and never reacting is the essence of personal power, or “social value.”
Simply stated, if you react to someone, it means they are higher value than you. For example, by reading Steve’s blog and caring enough to post on his message board, I am showing that he has higher value than me. I am “reacting” to Steve. Now he is in the position of power, so he can choose to “respond” to me however he likes. If he ignores me, it will lower my value!
Now if I tell Steve he’s wrong, that is a challenge to his power. If I can make him react to me, by arguing back, that means we are close enough in value to fight it out and see who is the victor. But historically, Steve won’t react, and instead will respond politely. It’s true that any response is technically a reaction, but Steve is too smart to respond in a way that lowers his value. If you argue with Steve, you’ll learn a simple lesson: Don’t argue with Steve!
In person, there are many more ways to react than by typing a reply. That’s why it doesn’t work when parents tell their children to ignore bullies, because even if the kid has a perfect poker face and doesn’t respond to the taunting, his body language will give him away. Bullies can smell fear! Or more poetically, “who you are is always shining through.” Or more technically, animals’ bodies emit electric signals that can be read subconsciously by other animals.
So kids, don’t react to anyone, and remember that your response counts!