Originally Posted by cdn2wheeler
Again, very well put. Exactly why women should take responsibility and ask men out more often
Ha! trying to hoist me by own petard
Rose, one thing you kind of sneaky-slipped into your post was that you actually live with a man now, and are apparently in the process of removing yourself from that situation. This is another way you have cleverly sentenced yourself to being only half-available. You really are very powerful!
That's an illusion though, of course. Someone who is half-available is really not available at all; she is only trying to have it both ways between her conscious and unconscious desires. A man who is truly available, one who is interested in a woman and looking for a real relationship, will probably not see a woman who is in the process of extricating herself from another man as being a real possibility. In fact, to Mr. NoIntegrity, you are the perfect fish for him -- with all of the myriad ways you demonstrate that you are not available to him for a LTMBR, he feels perfectly safe from being "caught" himself. And vice-versa.
What might be very valuable for you would be to learn how to let go of being half-available and generate something that works better for you -- perhaps being free? When you are being free, you are free to be fully yourself, fully present, and fully honest in a romantic relationship, regardless of how the other person is behaving. Of course I recommend the Landmark Forum for unlocking the cage you locked yourself into when your dad left and your mom blamed you. But there are other approaches, too.
You can start by asking yourself this question: "Is it true? Would I tell my own 2 year old daughter that it's true?" Someone here recommended Byron Katie's work, and I second that. It will start you asking questions of yourself that will unconceal the things you've been hiding from yourself, but that are nevertheless running your life.
You are a loving and generous listener, Rose. You are on a good road!