Angela, I know that the trouble I am having with this relationship is 100% contained within myself first... The trouble I am having with everything in my life is 100% contained within myself. My goal is to take 100% responsibility for my life. Don't worry, I knew that posting about this here would bring me a few big slaps in the face
That's exactly what I want. I need to take a hard look at myself in order to grow. Sometimes you can grow alone, and sometimes you're stuck and need some kick in the a**.
You're right, I am shoulding him all the time. you should want to see me asap! you should write every day, you should show up at our appointments, and so on. Of course I don't tell him such things, but for sure he feels it. OMG!!! I hate it when someone does this to me, and now I'm doing it to someone else...
I want to change this immediately!
I never thought about this not-available thing! I feel very committed and available because I want to see him so badly and I answer his emails and so on. But you're right, in fact there is some part of me escaping permanently. I don't want anyone to catch me.
So, I don't only attract men who are "half away all the time", I am half away all the time myself? I feel that's true. But why? This is something I have to think about a lot now.