Rose, it's not just that you're unclear about what you want that's getting in your way, it's that you're unclear about how unavailable you are.
And so you've picked this perfect guy who is the same flavor of unavailable as you: he looks, feels, and sounds available, but isn't present for you or straight with you. Just like you are not present for or straight with him. Voila -- chemistry!
Also, you say that freedom is your most important value, or it's right up there towards the top, right? And yet, you are "shoulding" this guy left and right. Few things have the power to rob people of feeling free than being should-ed. You don't even have to verbalize the shoulds to him -- people feel shoulds from others, plain as day.
It's always easier for outsiders to see when a person is mirroring than it is for the mirroring person to see it herself, so please don't think we're giving you a hard time here -- we are simply trying to point you towards the mirror -- to see that the trouble you are having with this relationship is 100% contained within yourself first. If you are bold and courageous, and you take 100% responsibility for your life, for your satisfaction and fulfillment, you have the opportunity here to have a huge breakthrough in your power to create a loving, mutually beneficial relationship.
(Plus, the likelihood is that all of us who are drawn to point out how you're mirroring are also mirroring something in our own lives! Ai chihuahua, life is a circle.)
Lots of love,