Posted my doubts into another forum, but had not even one reply!
I'm one year shy of finishing high-school and having to pick my place in society; i.e. keep on studying (college) or get working. Things are a bit messy for me, as of now, and the quicker I sort my thoughts out, the better.
Some background: I'm from a low-middle class family, with deep issues. No one ever went to college - literally. Not even my 2nd degree cousin, or any long lost relative. My father has only the 5th degree completed, and my mother the 6th. Despite this, since I started school, I was taken as a 'bright kid'. 11 years of schooling, and I have pulled straight A's with barely no effort. For instance, last year, I didn't attend ANY of my Geography classes - as I had no class grade, the score I would pull at the exam would be my final grade. I studied 2 hours, with no prior knowledge of the subject, just two days before the exam, and passed with ease. Most of my peers had two years of classes and days of studying, and still failed. I'm repeating the feat this year, this time with History.
Ahem, now that I'm done with inflating my ego, let me proceed.
My whole family is amazed at the fact that I'm going to be the first one in college - oh, yeah, they just take it for granted. They already call me Judge.
The most proeminent choice I have is Law School. Where I live, you have to pick your subjects as soon as you end the 9th grade, so I'm quite limited by it. Anyway, my mother's dream was to be a Judge, but since she couldn't do it, she passed it on to me.
I can go to Law School, be the top student on campus (pardon the arrogance, but I believe I could be the best in the country too), and amass scholarships. Amazing, ain't it? For a low-middle class family, with lots of relatives drowning in debt, grandfathers still living of the earth, and the likes, you can imagine how everyone is jumping out of their seats looking at my success.
'You're going to be a Judge! Imagine that... Don't forget the folks here when you're up there.'
'Study hard, kid. It will pay off.'
'Good morning, Mr. Judge.'
Uhm.
I've heard about being pressured, but this is ridiculous. What if I tell you now that I'm still wondering if I should even go to college?
*Uproar*
Don't waste an opportunity like this!
Don't be dumb! Most people never get to have a chance like this one!
Yeah. What everyone over-looks, is that I have a strong passion: art. I don't really want to go into it, but art is my passion. And I'm also very good at it. I'm not over with high-school yet and I've already been talking with some important people about my work. I still have heavy improvement to do, but I know I have what it takes. I also know that it is a shot in the dark. It may take years to get me somewhere. Hell, I may not even get anywhere, it is possible, I know that. But, damn, I was born to do this. It's just something ingrained into myself; it's already a part of me.
Enough babbling. What I want? Skip college, focus on my art. Clichè, I know. I'd also like to this without the risk of being spelled of the family and stoned to death.
Seriously now, it's a tough choice to make.
A) Go to law school. Pretty much guaranteed future. No passion in it, though. I wouldn't like to become a Judge, though; i.e. I wouldn't like to work for the government. I'd probably go the private route, and try to set up a successful lawyers firm. I loathe the notion of variable effort = same income. I want to know that it's in my power to do things, to better things, so working for myself would at least make it a bit more enjoyable, I figure.
I'd keep on making my art, though. It would just be impossible to pursue my real dreams with intensity. It'd be more of a art for art's sake. As long as I'm able to keep on doing it, it wouldn't be that bad.
Don't think I'm against college, for I'm not. The only thing I want, though, is the assurance that I'm going to college because I WANT to, and not because I NEED to. And, I'm sorry to say, I don't have it. Far from it.
B) Focus on my art. This, yes. Talk about passion, about losing sleep, about jumping around like a kid who just bought a Sega Mega Drive (well, the 90's were fun). I know I'd risk poverty, humiliation and all other nasty stuff but, still. Downside, as I said before, is that it is a shot in the dark. The idea may be romantic, but I don't want to be an unappreciated artist whose art is only found to be magnificent after he's six foot under ground. Sorry,
Luis Meléndez.
Point being: how would I finance my living costs until my art takes off? Not only that, but I would also need a stable income before (or, at the very least, in the moment that) I finish this school year. Sure, till then I may land one or tw contracts with my art, but at the state I'm in, it'd be hard to cash in something that would sustain me for a whole year. It's totally possible, though.
I have, actually, being playing with the idea of generating online income, so that I could support myself out of high-school. Yet, with the trend of everyone wanting to be rich online, I'm still trying to figure out if this is a viable thing I could devote time to, or more of a trendy illusion I'm having.
Boiling it up:
A) Law School -> 4 years of grinding my teeth through it -> Uh... Start being a lawyer?
B) Focus on my art -> weeks/months/years/who-the-hell-knows-time-units of hoping and working -> Tchatching! A big smile and lots of things I'll happily do.
I guess I could conform myself with becoming a lawyer and part-time artist, but when putting that in the balance against chasing and living my dreams with brutal intensity...
This is it (it being a massive post; a pat on the back to everyone who read it :O). Any insight appreciated.