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Originally Posted by Dive Bomb  I don't think they contradict each other and here is why. Erin I believe is referring to that person's awareness, stating that you can not alter his/her awareness strictly by your own mental will.
Steve stated that the other person is a result of your consciousness. Now I do not think that means the other person does not have an awareness of his/her own. It's just that you're conscious awareness allowed you to experience the interaction between these people and that your perception of this person is entirely controlled by yourself. |
That sound you just heard is a bell that rang when I read Dive Bomb's post.
THIS is something that I can understand. It's not the actual situation that's different between objective/subjective realities, it's the PERCEPTION of those realities. The concrete realities - such as they are - haven't changed, but the way they're perceived has.
This can, of course, lead to countless more headache-inducing questions but for the purposes of this thread I won't belabour the point.
Thanks, Dive Bomb (great handle, by the way).
As to Lola's point:
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Originally Posted by Lola I think this woman is using you big-time. And why not? She's got an on-call handy handyman, a on-call (free?) babysitter, an on-call sympathetic ear, and an on-call f-buddy, and she doesn't have to take the kids to MickyD's by herself. |
Fear not about the potential harshness of your post. No harm done; your input (and everyone else's here) is valuable and worthy.
One of the joys about boards such as this is the process by which outside parties can see a situation and offer up their interpretation of events.
I've always known, in my heart of hearts, that the situation is way out of balance. I offer up my love and help and support and get very, very little in return. Now, I don't think that she consciously sees the situation as using me - that is, I don't imagine she sits at home at night wringing her hands and thinking, "How can I use him further without giving something back?" - but I do know that I've clearly made myself available to her without requesting much in return. So that's my fault and I take responsibility for it.
I've expended a lot of energy on this situation over the past couple of days which has probably resulted in the perception that I pine over her and spend a lot of time dreaming things could be different. That's not actually the case, as my life is busy enough with work and whatnot to waste a lot of time with my head in the proverbial clouds wishing for something different. Like many men, I compartmentalize relatively well; issues with relationships, work, family, finances and so forth very seldom interfere with one another.
All that said, my plan - starting today - is to spend a LOT less time "being available" to her and I'll just let the chips fall where they may. (Sorry for the cliche...)
Thanks, everyone, for your input.