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Originally Posted by Sunnybayes May I offer some neuroscience about this one???
Well, to begin with, here is the reason that he goes havoc. This is from "Making a Good Brain Great" by Daniel G. Amen. |
Okay, but have they also done any research on why the American stereotype of "nerd" typically
looses after all these reactions in the CNS?
:P
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Originally Posted by Sunnybayes Someone has to be the authority on who is social or not. It can either be yourself or it can be someone else who claims to know what people are social. The truth is, you just have to know it yourself. If you feel lonely, then well, you are not social enough. |
I don't know how vital it is to have a strict
definition on what's social. I know there are definitions on fraternity, altruism and thoughtfulness... but I have often seen that these are not necessary to be "social" beings. Even the most cynic asketic isolationists who get together on a mountain and stay away from civilization are social - among themselves.
The feeling of loneliness may simply result from the unawareness of one's social condition, or from the belief imposed from outside that one isn't social.
And if it's true loneliness it usually shouldn't last for long because soon enough you'd find someone to interact with - be it someone just like you or a massive amount of people.
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Originally Posted by Sunnybayes [...]
want to get the experience necessary so that when you do come across a highly intelligent and beautiful woman that she wont hijack your brain
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Then once you've developed your brain so that you can interact with beautiful women without acting stupid around them, and are able to make a good emotional connection through conversation with her, then you can go and find a high quality woman (beautiful, caring, passoinate, intelligent and knows how to have some fun [that would be quite a rare woman] ), in more normal/natural places, like through work or church, mutual friends or wherever, and then give her all your best to her only. |
Okay. Let me provide you with some insider information.
I've lived in several Western countries throughout my teens and I've basically spent a great amount of my life at the club scene in each of them. I've been promoter for many clubs, have done some event management myself and... occasionally worked in a few other roles as well.
The whole scene there revolves around market and value.
You're right: there are plenty of women there, of all kinds - ugly and nice (though both kinds are usually clad in a way that makes men forget any pre-existing aesthetic values...), and as you may already know that's the reason why the whole industry gets money.
Men come there because of that, women rarely pay more than half (if not free) and if they have to pay we usually let the "hot" women get in for free (I later learned that economists call this "price discrimination", although I guess there's discrimination at another level as well...).
From what I know and have seen, once they start seeing mating opportunities at clubs they get
addicted to them (and that's obviously the purpose of the industry), and in time they actually get used to initiating mating processes solely under those circumstances...
I'm not sure whether nightclubs really serve as a
bootcamp for approaching the opposite sex in other settings as well. At least, from what I have seen, among friends and everyone I know, it's often the other way round.
But maybe there are intrinsic cultural differences at play. I don't know.
All I can tell you for sure is that the mating process in a nightclub setting proves more
hierarchically competitive (i.e. "survival of the fittest") and drives those who are less "fit" to a lower standard of interaction, thereby actually making them loose heart, spend lot of money on drinks and return to the club more often (= revenues!).
I know some girls who aren't very attractive in the mainstream sense (okay, let me say it bluntly: they're ugly); they go clubbing merely because each time they go they have this "quasi success" situation where they seem to get a guy - but then the guy runs away. And then they keep going, going, going, going, hoping that the next time it will be better (= revenues!).
Same happens to guys, at a much larger scale, often due to their lower sexual bargaining power.
If you really need a "bootcamp" for approaching the opposite sex, use the environments you're already well acquainted with. Or just approach anyone anywhere in the world. Travel, on trains, in planes, anywhere.
I met my first "significant" (= very long term relationship) girlfriend when I was 14-15 years old, at a classical music concert. She was a singer. I spoke to her right after the concert, because I was amazed by her performance and I was also in my period of musical discovery.
I didn't even
think "seduction" or "mating".
I was just amazed by her and just... did what I wanted to do!
It was only
after we were 'officially' together and I took her to one of my nightclubs where I worked, that I realized her rank in the "sexual hierarchy" (and I admit that despite my humble nature, I felt a slight surge of pride when all the horny guys attention was directed towards us/her).
I bet that - at that age - if
I had seen
her in the nightclub and not at the concert for the first time, I would have probably allowed the older/experienced guys prey on her.
The nightclub reveals only a small part of other people (although maybe a large part of their skin :P) - often under a competitive and alienating light - and also eliminates any spontaneous connection that might have existed between two people if they had met in another more adequate context.
You like a girl who is speaking at a conference?
Approach her
right there!
P.S. Just out of curiosity, Sunnybayes, are you a statistician (or work a lot with statistics)?