I wanted to open this discussion because I have a feeling that many people in today's 21st century world are facing a moral panic about their own social lives (or what they
perceive as
unsocial lives), trying to have more and more and more without even knowing
why in first place.
I also feel that most of the current beliefs on Social Life insist on the existence of a homogeneous set of social parameters, instead of a diversity of forms of social lifestyle.
I don't know
where exactly these beliefs stem from (though my sixth sense keeps suggesting me something, especially because I'm a business school student, and there's a lot of etiquette around networking and interpersonal skills here...).
But look around, listen to what people say and think...
(I'm not talking about
everyone, but trends/fads)
- people perceive themselves as "unsocial" because they don't go clubbing as much as others; My question:
do you find other human beings (and potential partners, if that's what you needed in first place) only at nightclubs and parties?
- people are unsatisfied with themselves because they don't have enough friends on Facebook (a social networking website especially targeted at students + there are many similar networking systems, online and offline); My question:
do you actually need so many friends to reach whatever purpose you want to?
- people perceive themselves as unable to groom globally because of specific tastes and hobbies in life that are different from mainstream (see below).
What I have often noticed is that, although the usual customs of socializing and being "networked" might be useful sometimes, many people (especially newcomers!) do so at the expense of their own identity - and often buy into passive herd behavior.
While I'm aware that for some people social problems can arise due to hardwired genetic causes (which can be overcome anyway...), I think that most of the problems I often hear about regarding "social confidence" merely stem from these misconceptions
about oneself and one's activities/hobbies.
I think that it is easy for people to be told (or believe for themselves) that they are "unsocial", and - as a consequence - feel lack of confidence when facing what they consider "social situations".
The most famous example is probably the American stereotype called "nerd".
Those who - stereotypically at least - spend a lot of time at the computer, playing videogames on the internet, or do other things that for a variety of reasons eclipse them from what is called "real life".
What makes them (and others) believe that they are "unsocial"?
Let's analyze the situation (as usual, I have no statistics, I'm only using my experience and the people I've met as a basis of my thoughts)...
A typical nerd nowadays spends hours of his time playing competitive online games like Second Life or World of Warcraft. From what I have seen, both games are
full of other people, thousands, and the players constantly communicate with each other (I suppose they are human beings as well, which makes the practice probably similar - if not more engaging - than randomly adding friends on Facebook!).
However, when the typical male nerd needs to approach the prom queen (or even a female nerd, for that matter) he goes havoc - but is this inconfidence due to his own personality or due to the
belief that nerds will loose at romantic matters?
Most hardcore nerds I have known then follow two paths: they either start purposely behaving unsocial, purposely un-groom themselves and playing only on the internet, drowning in their belief that they aren't social... or they abandon
everything, all their past attitudes, buy self help books on Seduction and start spreading STDs around the world
Do I know people who play Warcraft
and have a stable romantic life?
Yes. They are few, unfortunately, but there are. They didn't need to abandon any of their hobbies.
Oh, and listen to this (probably this would reflect my own situation):
I would personally be proud to be a nerd, but I don't have enough online gaming skills (they always kill me - I will never win, so better forget about the whole idea 
).
To conclude this first post, I would appreciate if all of you could - apart from discussing this - mention situations from your life in which you were having a great time together with other people, but don't fit into what is conventionally called "Social Life".
A situation from my own life:
I played the "Dungeons and Dragons" board game (very often associated with nerds and satanists
) for almost an entire year. I played it, my girlfriend played it and my friends played it.
It was one of the most entertaining things I've ever done together with other human beings.
---> Playing Dungeons & Dragons is a form of social life. q.e.d.