[purplephilosopher]

so throughout high school, i was suffering immensely from social problems because i was an introvert and my parents and brother kept telling me to "make more friends"
i tried and tried and was frustrated a lot
and even when i did get some friends, i was never happy (and wasn't quite sure why)
i still felt shy and socially awkward though my confidence did increase very slightly over the years
and because i had poured so much energy into this area of my life, other areas of my life took a hit
at the end of high school, i essentially burned bridges with two of my better friends because i imploded emotionally (i felt they had left me out when i was just being too needy)
this incident made me look deeply within myself and i essentially realized that i had let society/someone else define my happiness to mean "having friends"
i never went after changing the thought, the belief deep inside: "i am shy," "i am not confident," etc
and because of this, i was always needy and not very stable emotionally
now that i've realized this, i'm more stable emotionally but i still lack the social skills
i've since apologized to my friends, admitting outright my emotional weakness, but i don't expect them to return (is there any chance?)
and now i'm at college and i'm quite lonely
this social issue that has been bothering me for the last four years no longer bothers me anywhere near as much now
i'm immensely focused and motivated to do well academically in college and really go after my goals and utilize my full academic potential
i know i don't have the social skills many of my peers in college have; my strength with people lies in my trustworthiness and sympathy...
point is...i don't expect to make too many friends (right now i'm just trying to change my deeply embedded thoughts) and i'm pretty much going to study my ass off
will i burn out??