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BartSinghson · 09-14-2007, 03:07 AM

Hello all,

This is my first post and it has taken a lot of courage for me to come out and discuss this - I have been reading steve's blog for few months now and it has prompted me to get a second opinion on things I have been doing in life, specially social and interaction with friends.

My immediate dilemma is to figure out if I should mend a relationship with a friend.

First a brief history - I have been friends with this guy for about 10 years. He migrated to another country before me - and then i migrated there as well. He helped me when I reached there and after that we (Him, his wife and me) shared a house about 5 years together.

During those 5 years, I was always treated as a person who doesn't have common sense. They used to take all the decisions along the way and I just used to ignore them - minding my own business. At the end of the day - my part was to share the monetary value of monthly expenses. My opinion was never accepted or appreciated. I helped out in the house as much as I could with cleaning etc. In this new country I was on a student vista and had "friends" to share the house with but I didn't develop anything of my own. All my friends that I have are mutual friends and I was introduced to them by this friend of mine. My friend has is very arrogant but kind at heart. He will help you when you need him - but he will make sure that he "rubs it" in front of other people. One statement that I have heard since last 7 years is how he has helped me settle down and all the friends he has introduced was because of him etc etc.

Now fast forward 2 years - and we don't live together anymore. I am married and have been living on my own for more than 2 years now. Since last two years, our friendship has been going down hill. We used to meet and have casual get-together often. Earlier this year - I didn't go to his party because I was not comfortable with few people he had invited. He knew it would make me uncomfortable - but he still did it because he wanted to keep his friendship with them. We have not talked since that party (about 6 months) even once and one of our mutual friends did tell me that he felt very bad about me not attending it.

A couple of day ago - I found out that his wife was sick. I called him to check how they were - and they spoke to me nicely - but he did give me an impression that he was angry with me and was not interested in talking. We had a small talk about health and that's it.

I am confused if I should be friends with him. The only reason I can think of is because we have a lot of common friends and we will definitely meet at other places - I don't want to in a situation that I stop going to all the friends I know because of him being there. I am also sure that he will go out of his way to make me feel uncomfortable - as he knows that I am very sensitive about it.

I am confused - because mending friendship will him would mean me apologizing him about not going for his party and his arrogant remarks following that.

Help me decide.

09-14-2007, 03:07 AM	#1 (permalink)
BartSinghson Junior Member Join Date: Sep 2007 Posts: 3	should i fix my frienship? Hello all, This is my first post and it has taken a lot of courage for me to come out and discuss this - I have been reading steve's blog for few months now and it has prompted me to get a second opinion on things I have been doing in life, specially social and interaction with friends. My immediate dilemma is to figure out if I should mend a relationship with a friend. First a brief history - I have been friends with this guy for about 10 years. He migrated to another country before me - and then i migrated there as well. He helped me when I reached there and after that we (Him, his wife and me) shared a house about 5 years together. During those 5 years, I was always treated as a person who doesn't have common sense. They used to take all the decisions along the way and I just used to ignore them - minding my own business. At the end of the day - my part was to share the monetary value of monthly expenses. My opinion was never accepted or appreciated. I helped out in the house as much as I could with cleaning etc. In this new country I was on a student vista and had "friends" to share the house with but I didn't develop anything of my own. All my friends that I have are mutual friends and I was introduced to them by this friend of mine. My friend has is very arrogant but kind at heart. He will help you when you need him - but he will make sure that he "rubs it" in front of other people. One statement that I have heard since last 7 years is how he has helped me settle down and all the friends he has introduced was because of him etc etc. Now fast forward 2 years - and we don't live together anymore. I am married and have been living on my own for more than 2 years now. Since last two years, our friendship has been going down hill. We used to meet and have casual get-together often. Earlier this year - I didn't go to his party because I was not comfortable with few people he had invited. He knew it would make me uncomfortable - but he still did it because he wanted to keep his friendship with them. We have not talked since that party (about 6 months) even once and one of our mutual friends did tell me that he felt very bad about me not attending it. A couple of day ago - I found out that his wife was sick. I called him to check how they were - and they spoke to me nicely - but he did give me an impression that he was angry with me and was not interested in talking. We had a small talk about health and that's it. I am confused if I should be friends with him. The only reason I can think of is because we have a lot of common friends and we will definitely meet at other places - I don't want to in a situation that I stop going to all the friends I know because of him being there. I am also sure that he will go out of his way to make me feel uncomfortable - as he knows that I am very sensitive about it. I am confused - because mending friendship will him would mean me apologizing him about not going for his party and his arrogant remarks following that. Help me decide.