Personal Development for Smart People Forums - View Single Post - Causing Someone Pain By Speaking the Truth

Enlightenment · 09-13-2007, 09:54 PM

Hi Michelle,

I went through the exact same thing. However, after years of trying to convince my parents that they hurt me, I gave up and cut all ties with them. A parent who doesn't even remember what they did wrong is, quite simply, in denial. Therefore, this person will NEVER change. And if you have children, I'd advise against leaving your children with them. Otherwise your children will be mistreated and even abused also.
The important part is to quit trying to convince them of the truth. You know what happened and you felt what happened. Nobody can deny that from you. Especially the people who did it TO you.
Your father is treating you like a child still. Why would he email you an angry letter about what you put on YOUR blog? What, does he want you to take the comments down? This would be just another way of him getting you to quell the truth yet again.
I'll tell you something, once my daughter recieved an unexpected birthday letter from my parents. It contained $5.75. Which made no sense to me as my daughter was turning 6. Go figure. But that isn't the real problem, the real problem is the struggle I have with myself for at least a week after the event. I cannot do anything. I get down. I get angry, resentful and I start self sabatoging. I know it is the little kid in me trying to dumb down in order to get the acceptance from a pair of rejecting parents, who will sadly, never really love me or accept me.
Anyway, you've surpassed their maturity level and that's a good thing. Some parents just never grow up and are always the children. But the most important thing I learnt from how they treated me, is to NOT act like them. If my child gets angry with me and tells me I have hurt them, or embarrassed them, as they case may be, I sit and listen and try to understand -- I want to understand because, I not only love them, but want them to love me. Which seems a bit selfish, but it sure beats them being messed up and angry at me later for not acknowledging their feelings now.
I hope this helps in the way that it shows that others have gone through the same thing. You are not the only one.

Kind regards,
E

09-13-2007, 09:54 PM	#19 (permalink)
Enlightenment Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Posts: 96	Sometimes the truth hurts! Hi Michelle, I went through the exact same thing. However, after years of trying to convince my parents that they hurt me, I gave up and cut all ties with them. A parent who doesn't even remember what they did wrong is, quite simply, in denial. Therefore, this person will NEVER change. And if you have children, I'd advise against leaving your children with them. Otherwise your children will be mistreated and even abused also. The important part is to quit trying to convince them of the truth. You know what happened and you felt what happened. Nobody can deny that from you. Especially the people who did it TO you. Your father is treating you like a child still. Why would he email you an angry letter about what you put on YOUR blog? What, does he want you to take the comments down? This would be just another way of him getting you to quell the truth yet again. I'll tell you something, once my daughter recieved an unexpected birthday letter from my parents. It contained $5.75. Which made no sense to me as my daughter was turning 6. Go figure. But that isn't the real problem, the real problem is the struggle I have with myself for at least a week after the event. I cannot do anything. I get down. I get angry, resentful and I start self sabatoging. I know it is the little kid in me trying to dumb down in order to get the acceptance from a pair of rejecting parents, who will sadly, never really love me or accept me. Anyway, you've surpassed their maturity level and that's a good thing. Some parents just never grow up and are always the children. But the most important thing I learnt from how they treated me, is to NOT act like them. If my child gets angry with me and tells me I have hurt them, or embarrassed them, as they case may be, I sit and listen and try to understand -- I want to understand because, I not only love them, but want them to love me. Which seems a bit selfish, but it sure beats them being messed up and angry at me later for not acknowledging their feelings now. I hope this helps in the way that it shows that others have gone through the same thing. You are not the only one. Kind regards, E Last edited by Enlightenment; 09-13-2007 at 10:04 PM.