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Originally Posted by jamestl2  I hardly feel qualified to give other people advice on relationships, love, etc. |
You are qualified by virtue of the fact that you have gone through all this hell and emotional pain. You have a lot to share, even if you just describe your situation to someone in a similar situation you will make comparisons and you will both learn from it. At least try, it couldn't hurt!
Also, don't expect there to be any quick fix. You don't decide to become a body builder and expect huge muscles the second day? You have to work out, excersize, build muscle and build strength, the thing is: it gets easier each day.
What I mean is that the memory of this girl might last your whole life. Are you going to let it be a torment or something you use to become stronger? When you remember her you can start obsessing and saying "Oh if only" or you can think of all the lessons you learned and how you grew stronger from this girl. One day you will look back on her like a 5 pound dumbbell, something that is light but that you needed at first to start building muscle.
What I am saying is change your perspective on what has happened to you.
Don't look at the weights in the gym as a heavy burden, look at them as a chance to build muscle and become stronger.
Don't look at this girl as heavy emotional pain, look at her as a tool for personal growth and self-discovery.
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Originally Posted by jamestl2 How in the world do I know what “quality” to look for? |
Really, only you can answer that, but I will try give you examples of things I have found in myself. When I obsess about someone else it is because I miss the way the confirmed my ego and made ME feel special. Really what they are doing is filling gaps in my life that I wasn't aware I had, then when they leave there is emptiness and pain.
What I do is write down a list of all the things I most admire in the person and things I have wrote down include:
beautiful
confident
suave
well-spoken
have a lot of friends/connections
have a lot of success in terms of money/career
Then I tell myself that I can have all those things, and will work towards them.
Try make a list of all the things this girl makes you think of, why do you obsess over her? Why is she so perfect? Write down those qualities. It will hurt to do it, but no pain, no gain. Do it. After you have written them down, tell yourself that you can have all those things in your life, make it a goal, and remind yourself of them always when you think of the girl. I will be interested in your list, if you choose to share it.