I'm not sure how to explain this to you, but I think you're missing the point. Perhaps this anecdote will help:
I am currently enrolled in group therapy. Occasionally, I meet group members who anger me, because solving their problems seems so easy, but they refuse to do it for some reason. Instead of telling them how I feel, which in my experience changes nothing, I write a letter to them, expressing what I feel. When I am done writing the letter, I scratch out their names in the salutary greeting ("Dear so-and-so") and write my own name. Suddenly, the letter takes on a whole new meaning, and I realize the anger I had toward them is what I really felt toward myself. So, a letter could look like this:
Quote:
Dear John Doe,
Why are you always late to group meetings? Can't you buy an alarm clock and actually use it? When you're late entering the room, I lose my concentration on what's going on in the group. Please show a little consideration.
Sincerely,
Morgan
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And then I change it to this, and it makes all the difference in the world:
Quote:
Dear Morgan,
Why are you always late to group meetings? Can't you buy an alarm clock and actually use it? When you're late entering the room, I lose my concentration on what's going on in the group. Please show a little consideration.
Sincerely,
Morgan
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(And yes, I am frequently late to group.)
Reading an angry letter I wrote to someone else and applying it to myself is a real eye opener. Try it. The result might startle you. And oddly enough, the person who you originally addressed the letter to might start changing on his or her own.