Quote:
Originally Posted by Angela  What does that mean, "an open path in both directions"? |
Right now the only way I can see is to stay. I feel I won't be able to cruely break this relationship just like that. It's too serious and would cause too much harm to people I promised I'd help. But I know that feeling forced into something isn't good. Usually I'd say to anyone and myself: "you're free man, the freedom is in yourself and nothing and no one has control over you." That's fine solution but not this time. I do know I'm free to go. No one will stop me from going. Except my own compassion. That's even more stressful than typical situations where some other person or event is trying to force you to do something. Both options are bad: if I stay I'll be unhappy, if I go I'll betray, destroy something that makes large part of what I am -- a person that always did everything he could to bring good to others. I don't want to leave this relationship knowing I behaved like a totally cruel, cold, heartless bastard thinking only about himself.
Either way, this situation is very stressful for me and I believe that I would be able to think more clearly if I could find a way to end this relationship and not hurt (ideally) or not hurt that bad other people.
These are the two paths: stay or leave. Currently one of them is closed for me and I'm looking for a way to open it. I fear it but I know I have to find a way because I don't know how long I'll be able to sustain current situation. If I was sure I wanted to leave it would be much easier but I'm still looking for a way to find true love inside this relationship. However, looking for it is much harder when I feel forced to do it.